


Give Me A Try

by rainbow_kings



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Established Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, Everybody Knows They Like Each Other, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, Louis' Dating Somebody Else, M/M, Not Nick Grimshaw, Oblivious, Pining, angry kiss, eventually, except themselves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 15:30:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8019352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbow_kings/pseuds/rainbow_kings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Harry is absolutely, hopelessly in love with his best friend, Louis.</p><p>But Louis is dating somebody else.</p><p>It takes them a while to figure it all out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give Me A Try

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hello. Welcome to one of my self indulgences because I absolutely cannot resist angst. 
> 
> **Trigger warnings** : Mentions (in detail) of a character that suffered from a medical condition and hospital settings, sexual content.
> 
> I apologise for any medical inaccuracies as I am not a doctor and did most of my research online, basing off NHS websites. 
> 
> **Disclaimer** : This fic is purely a work of fiction and is 100% made up by myself. The characters in this story do not resemble real life personas. The story, plot and the characters belong to me.
> 
>  **Some songs** : I recommend listening to the following songs during reading this fic to understand the characters, their feelings and just the mood of the story.  
> The Killers - Mr Brightside  
> Arctic Monkeys - R U Mine?/ I Wanna Be Yours / Do I Wanna Know  
> The 1975 - Somebody Else  
> Ray LaMontagne - Burn  
> The Wombats - Give Me A Try  
> Justin Timberlake - Drink You Away  
> Labrinth - Jealous  
> Selena Gomez - The Heart Wants What It Wants  
> The Score - Oh My Love
> 
> And with that, enjoy!

Being in love with your best friend was difficult.

Watching your best friend that you’re in love with love somebody else was even more difficult.

Harry hadn’t anticipated spending most of his twenties pining and yearning over his best friend. He hadn’t even realised he was in love with Louis until Louis brought home another man, all giggling and trying to get his hands all over the man with Harry standing right there in the kitchen. He hadn’t imagined spending most of his early twenties crying on the phone to his mother because it all felt too suffocating and too much to be in love with Louis yet be so far from what he wanted.

He had known Louis since they were children and lived in the same neighbourhood. He grew up with him living a few doors down, they always spent everyday together in the park, playing on the swings and chasing each other up the trees. Harry had always admired Louis, his burning personality that shone through and pleased everybody. Louis was everything Harry ever wanted to be.

Harry was a shy kid growing up, always backing away from potential opportunities and making himself appear smaller to others. He wasn’t full of adventures, intelligence didn’t come to him naturally and he was awkward. Louis, on the other hand, was the opposite. He was loud, unashamed, flamboyant and he represented everything Harry thought was admirable about an individual. He was spontaneous, he always had tricks up his sleeve and he made friends with other people easily.

So, it hurt when Harry started pining for Louis when he knew Louis was in love with his boyfriend: Nick.

It wasn’t fair. He had always thought the world of Louis but it was never more than that. It was always best friends, it was always a deep affection that ran within Harry’s bones but it was never this. Lust, want, pain, need, pine.

He felt like an awful human being for wanting Louis and Nick to be apart.

Even now, as he sat in the living room, he could hear Louis and Nick nosily make out. He hated their apartment and their paper thin walls. He turned up the volume of his television, trying to drown out the noise but it was hopeless. He groaned, trying not to let the jealousy burn him as he clutched onto his cup of tea. The television was playing reruns of Hollyoaks and he tried to absorb himself into the messy life of Maxine, but he just couldn’t. His own life was too messy to be focusing on anybody else’s.

Another loud moan, sounding awful like Louis.

Harry contemplated whether he should just get up and leave the apartment, go and sleep with Niall instead. He couldn’t deal with it. He couldn’t muster up the courage to pretend he was okay with this. He couldn’t sit here and burn in his own pain and hurting.

Two loud distinct moans and then silence.

Harry breathed out in relief, releasing the tight hold on his mug as he continued to glare at the dramatic drama taking place on his television. The supposedly sex was over and Harry could finally relax again. He survived another painful night of jealousy. 

Eventually, the door to Louis’ bedroom opened and Nick stumbled out. He was dressed though his jean zipper was still undone, his hair pulled to the side, messy. Sex hair, for sure. He smiled at Harry awkwardly, waving. He had noticed Harry’s dislike to him almost immediately, hadn’t tried to force a friendship with him since.

“Sorry about. Um, the noises.” He apologised, though he sounded anything but apologetic.

Jesus. Even his voice sounded wrecked.

Harry shrugged, dismissing the apology with a shake of his hand. “No problem. Heading out already?”

“Yeah, I gotta get home to my sister. Sorry, again. See you later.” And with that, Nick excused himself with Louis running after him to quickly kiss his lips and then shut the door behind him.

A beat or two of silence.

Finally, Louis turned to Harry. His cheeks were still flushed post orgasm and his hair pulled back with a headband. He was only dressed in his boxers, tight and clinging to his ass as he smiled. God, he was gorgeous and Harry couldn’t help but stare openly.

“Still awake?” Louis questioned, walking to their open plan kitchen to make himself a cuppa. “It’s late.”

“It’s only 11PM, Lou.”

Louis chuckled. “Right, of course.” 

“How was it with Nick?”

“Wasn’t aware that you cared.”

Harry frowned, placing his cup down. “What do you mean?”

“You just haven’t seemed very fond of Nick since the day I brought him home,” Louis said, shrugging as he put the kettle on and placing his ‘L’ mug down on the counter to grab a tea bag. “Not one word about him.”

“Hey! I said he was nice!”

“And that’s it.”

“Well, what do you want me to say?”

Louis sighed, waving his hand around like he was trying to gesture the answer in the air. “Like, I don’t know. Your honest opinion on him? You look at him like he burned your house down or killed your family or something.”

Harry let out a chuckle. “I don’t hate him.”

“Well, don’t you?”

Harry got up from his space on the sofa, grabbing his mug and placing it in the sink. “‘Course not, he makes you happy, doesn’t he?”

“I guess.” He hesitated. “It’s too early to say.”

“You’ve been dating him for three months.”

“Exactly, too early,” Louis said. 

“No ‘I love you’ yet?”

Louis smirked. “Well. Nick’s said it but no, not me.”

“And do you love him?”

“What’s with all these questions, heh?” Louis questioned, moving back to pour the boiling water in his mug and grab the milk from the fridge. “Never knew you were so interested in my love life.”

“Lou, of course I’m interested. You’re my best friend.”

“Right. Of course.”

“Is something the matter?” Harry knitted his brows together, finally noticing Louis’ sour mood as he poured the milk into his mug and stirring.

“No, not at all.”

“If something’s bothering you, tell me. We’ve never been the friends to hide or beat around the bush.”

Hah. How ironic.

Considering Harry was hiding his huge crush, or more like his love, for Louis for almost three entire months. Three months since his entire life had come crashing down, since he started contemplating his decisions, since he realised he had been living a lie. Had he always been in love with Louis and just never realised it? Did it take a push of jealousy to realise it?

Louis looked up to him and forced a smile. “No, nothing at all. Promise.”

“Can we continue watching the last few episodes of Orphan Black, then?” Harry asked, opening the cupboard and grabbing a packet of biscuits. “We’re nearly done with season 4, please.”

Though Louis looked tired, fatigue pouring from his features, he still nodded. “Sure, love. Go put it on, I’ll be there in a minute.”

**

Most of Harry’s days were spent in agony.

He worked in PR agency, it was a temporary job until he could make better use from his English Literature degree. He liked the agency he represented, though and learnt a lot of interesting facts since he had been working with them. Through the agency, he had met Liam who just happened to know Zayn who just happened to know Louis. So, small world. He worked a typical shift, from 10AM all the way through to 6PM as he made his way home on the tube and then spent most of the evening with Louis.

However, nowadays, Louis seemed busy with Nick. Which was expected since they were dating. It just sucked arriving home to an empty apartment all the time with no message or a note explaining Louis’ absence. Not that he was obliged to explain himself. Harry was just overly sensitive since he realised he was in love with his best friend.

This particular day when he arrived back to an empty apartment, he couldn’t handle the emptiness.

He immediately reached for his phone and called up Niall and told him to invite Zayn and anybody else who’d like to come. They were going to get drunk together, have a good time and Harry was going to forget all about Louis and the fact he was always dying to get close to him.

Niall, being the trusty friend he was, came over in less than fifteen minutes with Zayn in tow and the girl Harry recognised as Barbara. They brought cheap alcohol with them, smirking as they all fell onto Harry’s sofa and passed around the bottle between them, catching up on their lives.

“So, are you and Niall dating?” Harry asked Barbara, taking a swing from the bottle.

Barbara flushed. “Somewhat?”

Niall smirked from where he sat, smug as he grabbed the bottle off Harry. “We’re getting there, surely.”

“And what about you, Zayn?”

Zayn looked up. “What about me?”

“Who are you dating?”

“Nobody, mate,” he smiled. “Independent me, don’t need anybody in my life and prefer it this way.”

“What about you, Harry?” Barbara asked.

Only Niall knew about Harry’s pathetic feelings for Louis and he had promised to keep it that way too. Harry didn’t want the whole world knowing that he thought about Louis all the time, how he wanted Louis to be his when he was already in a relationship. It was sad and he didn’t want people pitying him.

“Nobody.” Harry answered. “Absolutely nobody.”

He didn’t miss the concerned glance Niall sent his way. He knew Niall was aware he was feeling unhappy today which is why he requested company. Niall was a wonderful friend, he helped in the most discreet ways. He lacked the emotional, sappy speech help but he could provide the physical presence that always brought others to high spirits.

“You should be dating,” she commented lightly.

Zayn reached over, throwing his arm around Harry’s shoulder and holding him close. “Nah, we should be independent together. Fuck love and that.”

Harry couldn’t help but smile, nodding in agreement.

They continued to pass the distasteful liquor across the circle, Niall taking the floor as Zayn and Harry stayed close in each other’s space. They confessed secrets together, talking about their wildest sex experiences, about who they absolutely hated during university. Zayn talked quite colourfully about his experience with Liam, once, and how they experimented together but decided it wasn’t for them. Harry scrunched up his features, taking a swing of the bottle and successfully finishing it.

Niall easily opened the next bottle.

By the end of the next hour, he was tipsy and he felt light-headed yet in the perfect zone. He could finally focus on somebody else than Louis. He should get drunk, or close to drunk, more often.

Just then, the apartment door unlocked and Louis walked in. He looked flushed already, his hair messy and eyebags prominent with puffy cheeks. It looked like he had been crying but it also looked like he had spent hours having sex. _Probably crying during sex_ Harry thought bitterly, prying his eyes away and focusing on the bottle in his hand.

Louis looked around the room. “What’s going on?” His voice was hostile and unwelcoming, his gaze unwavering.

His eyes lingered on Zayn and Harry, all cuddled up together on the sofa with Zayn’s limbs wrapped around Harry’s.

Niall broke the silence, handing the spare bottle over. “We’re getting drunk. Join us.”

Louis contemplated the idea, pushing his tongue on the inner side of his cheek. “Sounds reasonable on a Wednesday night.” The tone was sarcastic and unkind. 

Niall, however, didn’t seem fazed. “Responsibility, we do it best.”

“I’ll pass, thanks,” Louis scoffed, sounding angered as he shuffled out of his shoes and moved past the guests towards his room. He slammed the door shut.

Everyone froze where they were sitting, the mood instantly killed. Zayn wrapped his arms tighter around Harry before asking. “Are you, like, going to go and ask?”

Harry shook his head, taking another swing. “Nope.”

“He looked angry, Harry.” Barbara stated the obvious.

“Probably problems with the boyfriend, not my issue,” he shrugged. 

Every part of Harry was dying to go and talk to Louis, to ask him if he was okay and figure out what was going on. But he was selfish. He didn’t want to hear about Nick, he didn’t want to see Louis worked up over a man that Harry quite frankly had no interest in. It took a lot of him to stay glued on the sofa, wrapped around Zayn but he resisted every urge. Zayn noticed, tightening his hold.

After another hour, Niall finally got up from his space on the floor and tugged on Barbara’s hand. “We should get going.” He simply said, kissing Barb as she giggled and they left the apartment.

Leaving Harry and Zayn.

Zayn remained silent for a moment, his arms still around Harry and anchoring him. “So, are you going to kick me out now?”

“No, obviously not.”

“Are you really not going to talk to Louis?”

“Why should I?” Harry asked, shrugging. “My best mate can handle a few hours alone and I doubt he’d want to talk to me about his problems anyway. If he wanted to talk, he’d come to me.”

Zayn didn’t look convinced, his expression was knowing but he didn’t say anything. He placed a lingering kiss on Harry’s hair. “Give me some food then, I’m starving.”

Harry did exactly that.

He detangled his limbs from Zayn, walking to the kitchen and grabbing the leftover lasagna for Zayn and himself. He warmed it up for a minute, pouring two glasses of ice cold water to help with the alcohol they had consumed. When he walked back to the living room, Zayn had switched on the television.

“You gonna invite Louis to eat with us?”

Harry groaned, putting the plates down on the coffee table. “Zayn, my life doesn’t revolve around my flatmate.”

“Well, why didn’t you say so?” He smirked though the concern was still clear in his features, unsure.

“If he wants to eat, he will come and eat himself.”

Zayn frowned for a second. “You’re acting different towards him today, why? You’re usually onboard with inviting him to eat, spending time with us together.”

Harry wasn’t sure himself. Maybe because he couldn’t deal with Louis’ expression knowing Nick was the reason behind every single one of them. Maybe because he was an awful human being who couldn’t keep his own feelings in check.

“Because, I’ve missed you! Since you’ve signed with a firm and became a huge illustrator, I hardly see you!”

It wasn’t exactly a lie. Harry had been proud of Zayn, he had met him through Louis when they were in secondary school together. Zayn was always the quiet, artistic kid who never had much to say and always wallowed in his own thoughts. He thought a lot, had the entire universe of ideas, but they blossomed in his mind only. There was something truly exquisite about Zayn that he never showed anyone. 

Though, granted, Zayn and Louis’ friendship was much stronger and more meaningful than his and Zayn’s - he still adored Zayn and wanted to spend time with him whenever he could.

“Well, I’ve hardly seen anyone since I started working,” Zayn admitted with a small laugh, reaching for his lasagna and began cutting out a piece with his fork and knife. “Busy timetable, busy making new friends.”

They ate in silence as they watched British television before Zayn finally excused himself a while later. He gave Harry’s hair another kiss and whispered. “Take care of him, please,” before leaving the apartment. “He cares more than you imagine.”

**

“So, you always gonna invite my friends over without telling me?” Louis asked the next morning.

They were sitting on the stools by their kitchen island, opposite each other. Harry was eating his bulky protein breakfast consisting of eggs and bacon. Louis was sipping at his tea and two chocolate digestive biscuits, his mood still present from yesterday, still sour.

Harry frowned. “They’re my friends, too. I can call them over if I want to.”

“You also gonna not invite me when my friends are over?” Louis pressed.

“I didn’t not invite you, Lou. You were free to join.”

“Didn’t seem like so.”

Harry’s frowned grew, putting his fork down. “I’m not your enemy, Lou. I’m not sure why you’ve been treating like it for the past week.”

There was a beat or two of silence.

“I just didn’t appreciate that yesterday. You clearly knew I was upset.”

“Were you?”

Louis rolled his eyes, getting up from his space on the stool and slamming his cup of tea down. “Whatever. I’m getting late for my shift.”

Harry’s heart began racing, he immediately jumped up and walked over to Louis’ side. He couldn’t let Louis leave when he was upset, it’d leave his stomach in knots all day and he needed to make sure he was okay.

“So, you’re just going to leave now?” He called to him.

“I have nothing else to say.”

“Tell me why you were upset, maybe?” Harry asked, knitting his brows together. “I genuinely wasn’t aware, I just thought--”

“It’s fine, I’m just being a pissbaby,” Louis sighed, grabbing his backpack from the corner of the living room and throwing it over his shoulder. “I really gotta go, though.”

“Louis,” Harry frowned, blocking his way. “Tell me, please. I can’t stand it when we’re arguing like this.”

Louis and Harry barely ever argued. They only bickered like a married couple, small disagreements that had seemed to grow when they moved in together since they were such different people. It was only human nature to clash. Whenever they did get into a fight, either one of them would make up within a minute later and it was resolved.

Louis sighed again heavily. “Nick was acting like a dick, is all.”

Harry crossed his arms. “Why?”

“Because I goddamn deserved it, what else?”

“That’s not true, what the hell?” Harry said, disgusted as he reached over to grip Louis’ shoulder. “You don’t deserve anybody treating you like anything other than good.”

Louis shrugged the touch off. “You don’t know anything.”

“Tell me then.”

“I was being difficult, you know what I’m like. Sarcastic, moody. My usual self.”

“That’s _you_ , though. It’s not like… that’s just your way of bantering.”

“Well, it doesn’t sit well with Nick and it didn’t yesterday,” Louis swallowed, diverting his gaze somewhere else than Harry. “We had an argument, it was stupid. I just don’t care about it right now.”

Harry felt his heart sinking. He had been adamant on ignoring Louis yesterday, had saw the signs on Louis’ face and misread them as something entirely different. He should’ve known his best friend was upset and needed him. That his best friend needed a night-in where they just cuddled and talked, ate junk food and watched cliche movies. Instead, Harry had invited a whole troop of people over and continued to ignore Louis.

There was a consistent pang on Harry’s chest as he opened up his arms.

Louis fell easily into his embrace, tightening his arms around Harry and squeezing.

“I’m sorry, Louis,” he whispered, his mouth brushing against Louis’ ear. “I never meant to ignore you yesterday. If I had known, you know I would’ve told them all to go home.”

Louis nodded against his neck. “I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’s fine, Harry. I’m being stupid. They are your friends too, you deserve to spend time with them as well.”

“You’re my bestest though and I always want to spend time with you.”

Louis chuckled. “Careful there, Styles. Don’t sound too in love with me.”

Harry didn’t stiffen. He did not. He did pause though and Louis noticed but neither of them said anything.

“You wish, babe,” Harry laughed it off a beat later and Louis relaxed in his arms once again.

When Louis pulled away, his eyes were crinkled like they get when he’s genuinely happy. “Don’t have any plans when I come back today, please?” He pleaded. “Need a day with my best friend, please.”

“I promise.”

**

The next few days passed relatively well.

Louis and Harry spent the days together, wrapped up in each other’s warmth and other existing boyfriends all forgotten about. They catched up on Orphan Black, they rewatched their favourite movies together and they even pulled out their scrapbook they had made together about secondary school. They reminisced on the memories, flicking through the pages and the pictures, recalling all the memories.

Harry almost forgot that Louis had another commitment, his boyfriend, until his phone started ringing during halfway of Titanic. They had been cuddling on the sofa, a bowl of popcorn between them but it was all disturbed now.

Louis almost jumped at the sound, instantly reaching for his phone and smiling. “One sec, babe,” he said, pausing the TV and picking up.

Harry tried not to listen in but it was impossible from where he sat, the remote still in his hand. Louis’ voice sounded cheerful as he talked to Nick, laughing a few times and he also apologised before hanging up.

“Well?” Harry asked.

“We made up, a little. He’s coming over to talk. Is that okay?”

Louis’ expression was full of joy, genuine joy. He was happy that he had finally resolved his ongoing argument with Nick that’s lasted a few days. Harry’s company was only important until Louis was back with his boyfriend. He had to remind himself that he was no longer his best friends top priority.

“Um. Yeah.” Harry coughed into his fist, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach as he switched off the TV and walked over to grab his coat.

Louis frowned, following. “Where are you going?”

“Well, I don’t wanna be around to hear you two moaning through the walls. I’m just gonna pop to Niall’s, maybe go to the pub.”

Louis stared at him like he wasn’t sure what was going on but he eventually nodded. “Yeah, okay. Have fun.”

Harry barely gave him a backward glance before he left the apartment, grabbing his oyster card from the table and slipping it into his pocket. He took the quick train journey from Hampstead to Finchley, taking the five minute walk to Niall’s apartment.

Niall appeared to the door, a pizza in one hand and a beer in the other.

“Yes?”

Harry walked in, slipping his boots off. “Gimme beer, please.”

Niall usually didn’t ask many questions and he didn’t this time, either. For the first hour. They sat on the sofa together, passing the pizza around and Harry sipped back the beer from the bottle. They talked back and forth about Barbara, the extent of the relationship and about Niall’s job search until he finally switched off the TV and turned to him with a stern expression.

“You have to stop doing this,” he simply stated.

Harry knitted his brows together. “Do what?”

“I’m guessing Louis’ with Nick?”

“Um. Yes, he is.”

“You look like you’re dying every time Louis is hanging out with Nick and it’s transparent, Harry.”

“It’s not easy, Niall.”

Harry couldn’t stand the time Louis spent with Nick. The minutes and hours passed slowly, he felt like he was dying painfully and slowly. He couldn’t stand the two of them together when he wanted to be in Nick’s position, to be the one to hold Louis and take him apart like he knew Nick can.

“I know, mate but I also know you don’t want Louis to know but the way you’re acting, it’s going to be obvious.”

“I don’t know how to hide it either.”

“Just, be happy for Louis, eh?” Niall suggested. “If he’s happy with Nick, can’t you be happy for him?”

Harry frowned. “Of course I can.”

“Yet, you’re not. Because you’re bitter it’s not you, you’re angry at Nick for nothing but his presence and the happiness he brings to Louis. I know it’s hard and painful but you’re drifting from Louis and it’ll go even further if you keep acting like this.”

“I don’t want that.”

“I know you don’t so stop it.”

Harry sighed. “I don’t know how to.”

“Just let it go, this anger you’re holding,” Niall leant forward and touched the middle of his chest, “and be happy for Louis.”

It wasn’t an easy task and it certainly wasn’t as easy as Niall was making it sound.

Harry wanted to be there for Louis, he wanted to give his unconditional support and he wanted to be happy for him too. He wanted to get to know Nick and he wanted to help the two of them. But, he was too bitter and too wrapped up around his own problems to be able to give that support out.

Maybe Harry was a bad person. Maybe it was all his fault for not being able to deal with this sufficiently.

“Don’t worry, it’ll get easier with time,” Niall reassured and that was the end of the conversation.

**

When Harry returned back to the apartment the next day, Nick had decided to stay over and he was sitting on the dining table, eating away at a greasy English breakfast. Harry pushed down the initial feeling of jealousy, pushing away the thoughts of what did Nick do here overnight? Was Louis happy? Did they have sex all night? He pushed it all away and plastered on a smile, dropping his keys on the table. He couldn’t start the thoughts this early morning because it was most certainly going to result in a rocky day.

Nick turned around. “Oh, hey.” He greeted casually, stuffing his mouth with another piece of sausage.

“Hey!” He said, maybe too cheerfully. “Who made you that?”

“Louis did. He made you a plate too, in case you’d be home in the morning.”

Well, that was considerate and thoughtful of him. Louis had ever used the kitchen.

Harry nodded. “I’ll join you two in a moment.”

He was still wearing his clothes from yesterday and hadn’t showered yet, he felt gross and the fatigue was evident on his body. He turned the shower on, letting it heat up before stripping off his clothes. He stayed under the spray of the warm water, wondering how he was going to survive this breakfast with Louis and Nick. He had to compose himself and act unbothered, smile at the appropriate times and make contributions to the conversation. He had to act like he was okay before Louis realised he wasn’t. He’d take his love for Louis to the grave.

When he was done and changed into a button down and jeans, he walked back into the kitchen and smiled at Louis and Nick sitting besides each other.

Louis’ head snapped up at the sound of Harry re entering, smiling and gesturing to the space opposite them. “I’m so glad you’re home, I made you breakfast!”

Louis barely ever made the breakfast, or the lunch or any meal for the fact. He wasn’t gifted in the kitchen and he allowed Harry to take over the preparations for all the meals. Now, he had a proud smile over his face that he had been able to cook up the egg and the beans. 

“I’m glad too.” He sat down on the stool, keeping his gaze down as he picked up the knife and fork. “Unhealthy, though. Thank you, Louis.”

Louis smiled. “Unhealthy makes for the best food.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes, no words being exchanged between the three of them. It was insufferable and Harry could notice the looks Nick was passing to Louis, lustful and hungry lingering gazes. It made his throat burn but he swallowed it down.

“So, where were you for the night?” Louis asked eventually.

“Did you get some?” Nick added into the conversation, waggling the conversation.

It didn’t seem like Louis had considered that an option, his eyes widening. “Well, did you?”

Harry didn’t want to lie but. “Yeah, I did.”

They both gasped, Nick dropping his fork and knife and Louis’ eyes widening as he swallowed, his Adam's apple moved in his throat. Since when was Harry a liar? Since when did jealousy make him such a monster? He couldn’t believe he had said so until a few moments later, observing their reactions more closely.

“What the hell!?” Louis asked, sounding outraged and Nick gave him a funny look.

“Tell us who!”

“None of your business, guys,” Harry shrugged lightly, grabbing the glass of water and taking a long sip to soothe the scratching feeling in his throat. “I’d never say.”

Louis narrowed his eyes. “Boy or girl?”

“Girl.”

He sat back on his chair, crossing his arm. “And was she good, then?”

Harry furrowed his brows. “Yeah, why not?”

“Picked her up from the club, went back to her place?”

Nick seemed to notice the growing tension, swatting Louis’ shoulders. “Babe, let him be. He’s clearly uncomfortable. Don’t pry on his sex life, that’s weird.”

Louis pressed on though, seeming to ignore his boyfriend and still giving Harry glares. “Did she make pretty sounds when she moaned? Was she better than a man?”

Harry let out a wet chuckle. “Not sure I see how it’s your business or problem.”

He didn’t miss Louis’ heavy gaze on him, staring at him up and down like the answer to his supposedly one night stand would appear on his body. Louis was observing every inch of him, spending more time lingering on his neck like the evidence from a heated night would appear like bruises on his skin.

“Well, we usually discuss such things.”

“You do?!” Nick sounded scandalised.

“We do?”

Louis nodded, eyes tight. “We’re best friends, we tell each other everything, don’t we? So tell me, who the girl is.”

“Careful, Tomlinson. Don’t sound too in love with me.” Harry threw his words right back at him, smirking as he raised his glass of water and taking a sip.

“Is it Barbara?” He pressed on though despite Nick’s now annoyed glances.

“That’s Niall’s girlfriend, I wouldn’t do that.”

“Just some stranger then? Didn’t even pick up her name?”

“ _Stop_ , Louis,” Nick was firm this time, putting his fork down and giving him a glance that looked both irritated and worried. 

Louis sighed, snapping out of his trance of relentless questions and picking up his fork again to resume eating like he hadn’t just grilled Harry. They refused to look at each other. The atmosphere was awkward and suddenly, Harry didn’t want to be sitting here anymore. He refused to get up though.

Eventually, Nick and Louis finished their food and he jumped up from their seats together.

“Well. Me and Nick are hanging out today but feel free to return to the girl you fucked last night.” Louis shrugged, actually sounding _about the whole ordeal. The fake ordeal. Like he had no right to be so._

_Harry got up from his seat. “Can I at least talk to you for a second?”_

_Louis shook his head. “‘M busy, sorry.”_

_And that was the end of that._

__

**

Harry wasn’t sure how it happened but it did.

They both drifted away and barely had time for each other. Whenever Harry was home, Louis wasn’t and vice versa.

Harry found extravagant reasons to avoid being home at the same time as Louis, picking up extra shift hours after 6PM and spending more time with his friends outside. He had a thriving social life once again with the amount of clubs he attended, the pubs he went to for a drink, the cinemas he went to and caught up with all the new movies. All in the sake to stay away from Louis. He did the exact opposite of the advice Niall had suggested. 

Every time Louis texted him, asking where he was, he would kindly ignore it and reply the next day saying he crashed with somebody else. Niall’s apartment became his safe haven, his second home, as he refused to leave most days. Harry wasn’t sure where his home was anymore.

He did manage to pick somebody up in the club, too. It certainly wasn’t a girl.

It was a man, considerably a few years older than Harry, with rough and calloused hands and a sloppy smile. He had been affectionate enough, dancing on Harry and letting his hands wander all over the front of his body, groping him right in front of everybody in the club. It didn’t feel wonderful and half the time Harry imagined it was Louis standing behind him. He managed to get through a drunken kiss, or five, and a blowjob in the toilet before excusing himself and apologising.

So, after three days of silence and staying away, he made his way back to his own apartment. The one he forgot even existed. He found his keys at the bottom of his overnight bag, composing himself as he unlocked the door and entered.

Louis was waiting by the sofa, curled up on himself and sipping at his hot chocolate. He looked beautiful as always with his sharp cheekbones and his long lashes, staring intently at the TV.

It was well into the evening and Harry had just finished his shift, unsure whether Louis would be home but he really needed his own bed tonight. He felt disgusting and he could still feel last night’s man’s fingers all over him.

Louis barely looked up at the sound of the door, eyes trained easily on the television and Harry shuffled out of his shoes and walked to where he sat.

“You finally remembered where we live?” Louis asked, his voice scratchy and rough as he quickly took another sip of his tea to refrain from talking.

Harry winced. “I probably deserved that.”

“You’ve been ignoring me.”

“Not purposely.”

“You’ve been hanging out with Niall, Zayn and Liam. Without me.”

“You’re busy.”

Louis glared. “And how do you know that? If you’d reply to me, you’d be aware of what I’ve been doing.”

“You have Nick, Lou. You’re busy.”

“I’d appreciate if you’d just ask me rather than leaving me alone in my own apartment every single day. I hadn’t anticipated that when we decided to move to London together, I would’ve just refused.”

Harry had a million questions. Why was he alone? Where was Nick? Had they finally broken up? He pushed the thoughts out, shaking his head.

“I don’t have to check in with you, you’re not my mother,” Harry simply said, still standing awkwardly in the living room with his jacket still pulled tightly over him.

Louis let out a humourless laugh, putting his mug down. “You’re ridiculous.”

“What?”

“Nothing. I can’t be bothered with this conversation anymore, if I’m being honest.” Louis got up from his space on the sofa, grabbing his jacket sitting besides him and shrugging it on. “Gonna go and see Zayn, see if we’re still even friends anymore.”

Harry frowned. “Why wouldn’t he be?”

“Considering you take up all his time and he hasn’t texted me in over a month. I’m beginning to feel like a bad guy for absolutely no reason,” Louis scoffed, actually sounding genuinely upset and his voice was thick. He pushed past Harry, grabbing his vans. “Feel like nobody’s my friend anymore, like I don’t have anybody. Not even a roommate anymore.”

Harry felt his own throat growing thick, the waves of guilt slamming into him. He hadn’t meant to make Louis feel like this. He had thought Louis would be otherwise occupied with his boyfriend, wouldn’t even notice his absence. Clearly not. Louis had noticed and his eyes were swimming with unshed tears as he grabbed the keys, walking towards the door.

Harry reached out and grabbed his wrist gently, halting him. “Louis, fuck. Don’t leave.”

“Let me go,” Louis hissed, snapping his arm back and cradling it close to his chest. “Fuck off with your fake concern. You clearly don’t care anymore and I wish I could see why.”

And with that, he slammed the door shut behind him.

**

_WIll you be home tonight?_

_Louis, I’m sorry. Please. I want to talk._

_I didn’t mean to ignore you and treat you like this. I hadn’t realised what I had done._

_Please text me back._

_Zayn says you’re not with him, where r u???_

_Nick isn’t with you either._

_Louis????_

Harry sat on his bed, sending endless messages and receiving no reply. He couldn’t swallow past the lump growing in his throat, couldn’t bite down on the bile. He had pushed Louis to feel like shit about himself, to question their friendship and now he had disappeared to God knows where with God knows who. Harry couldn’t get rid of the distaste, the way his heart kept racing and his mind wandered to Louis. He couldn’t think of anything else.

_Please. Lou._

He put his phone down, putting his head in his hand. He usually wasn’t so concerned when Louis stormed out but the fact that he knew Louis wasn’t with either of his usual friends. He was out there somewhere.

_Lou, reply to me. I’m worried._

That was his last attempt. Louis would reply, eventually.

Harry was getting a bitter taste of his own medicine, getting what he deserved for pushing Louis away. He let his feelings get the best of him, his self conceited thoughts, ruin what they had momentarily because he couldn’t stand watching Louis love somebody else. It was horrid of him. It was uncalled for.

He got up and started cooking Louis’ favourite comfort dish, Turkey meatballs with noodles. 

_Made meatballs and noodles for u. Come home pls?_

Finally, Harry got a reply and he was so overjoyed he nearly dropped his phone in the process of reaching over to it.

_On my way._

Relief slammed into Harry’s vein, finally exhaling a shaky breath as he put the noodles into two separate bowls and poured both of them a glass of white wine. He sat on the stool, waiting and mentally preparing his speech. He was going to apologise, he was going to change, he wasn’t going to be this person.

Was he going to admit he loved Louis? Was hopelessly, painfully in love with him?

Probably not.

After another twenty minutes, Louis finally unlocked the door and walked in. It was clear he had been crying, his eyes red rimmed and he was clutching onto the hem of his shirt like he usually did when he felt small. Harry’s heart dropped, getting up from his space on the table and walking over.

He couldn’t stand seeing Louis like this, so desperate and so small.

“Can I hug you, please?” He asked, unsure whether he was allowed to anymore.

Louis dropped his head, another tear slipping out as he nodded.

Harry cut the distance, not wasting another second before he crowded himself in Louis’ personal space and embraced him. He held his best friend tightly, holding him close as he sighed in the warmth. He never wanted to make Louis cry, never wanted to make him feel less than. He never wanted to see Louis upset. He realised what an ass he had been, how he kept putting himself first.

Louis was lax in his arms, his head falling on Harry’s shoulders as he murmured. “You can’t bribe me with my favourite meal.”

It didn’t sound angry and dispiteful, though. Just a touch of sadness.

Harry smiled. “I’m sorry, babe. I was really worried, had to get you back to me somehow.”

“I’ll never go too far from you.”

“Don’t worry me like that ever again, please. If you need to step out, please do go somewhere I know you are.”

“Thought we didn’t need to check-in with each other,” Louis muttered. None of his words sounded angered, though. He just sounded exhausted. 

“We don’t unless we’re clearly upset, like you were.”

Louis hummed and continued to embrace Harry tightly.

They swayed side to side softly, Louis holding him close this chest and Harry kissing the top of his hair. They moved around the small apartment until he finally came to a halt and pulled Louis away from him.

“Dinner time?”

“Past midnight?”

“Midnight feast, then?”

Louis smiled, the usual brightness coming out as he nodded. “Sounds good.”

They took the bowls into the living room, instead and Harry put on Orphan Black on Netflix because it had become their show now. And it was comforting to watch with Louis. They watched the last episode of season 4 in anticipation, holding their forks in their hands as they gasped at all the appropriate times during the episode.

“Fucking hell!” Louis exploded at one point, dropping his fork. “Fucking Rachel!”

Harry watched Louis from the corner of his eye, letting his eyes linger. He finally had his best friend alone with him after what felt like forever and he couldn’t stop staring. Louis’ content smile, his shocked expressions at the events in the show. Louis was beautiful. He resembled everything Harry ever wanted, would ever need and yet couldn’t have. Louis was effortless and yet, flawless.

When the episode ended, Harry had barely paid attention and Louis was seething.

“So what the bloody hell is Sarah going to do?!” He demanded to know, putting his bowl down with wild eyes. “And the Delphine and Cosima reunion, bloody! Made me cry, if I’m being honest!”

Harry was mesmerised at his enthusiasm. God, he was so in love with Louis and everything this boy was and did.

“Are you listening, darling?!” Louis asked, outraged.

Harry finally snapped back to reality, his brain slowly catching up with Louis’ words as he nodded. “Sarah will probably suffer for a bit, with that stab wound.”

“She’s all alone and trapped!”

“She’s a strong one, she’ll survive.”

Louis sighed, pushing the bowl out of his hand and sipping the last of the wine. “Wanna come to bed with me?”

They hadn’t shared a bed together since Nick came into the picture. Before, they’d always cuddle up together and sleep together. They’d talk for hours, about absolutely anything and everything, until they knocked out with Louis’ back pressing into Harry’s back. 

“Of course.”

Harry washed up the dishes and Louis dried with a cloth, putting them back into their designated place just like old times. They got change with each other’s presence in the room, facing away from each other. Louis wore clothes, Harry opted just for boxers before they climbed into Louis’ bed together.

Harry instantly spooned him, pressing him against his chest and digging his nose into Louis’ neck.

“I. Um. Noticed a hickey on your neck,” Louis whispered, facing the wall and the words barely coming out as a whisper.

Harry froze up. It was probably the man from yesterday at the club, his possessiveness had been shining through as he had marked up Harry’s neck before pushing him down on his knees. The remains of that made him feel sick.

“Yeah.” He simply said, not wanting to expand on the shameful topic.

“Girl?”

“Guy. It was nothing, just two seconds in the club.”

“Fuck?”

“Nah. Just blowjob.”

Louis sighed, not sounding too pleased but not pushing the topic. He was stiff in Harry’s arms.

“Relax, babe,” Harry whispered in his ear. “It was nothing.”

He wasn’t sure why he was trying to comfort Louis of the guy. But it helped Louis go lax, sighing as he pushed his face down in the pillow. 

“I’m sorry, Harry,” Louis finally said when they had spent a minute or two in silence and hadn’t said anything. “I’m truly, truly sorry.”

Harry’s chest constricted. “Why are _you_ sorry? It’s me that should be sorry.”

“Because, I’ve been acting like a dick to you and I’m sorry.”

Harry shook his head, refusing to let him do this. “No, absolutely not. It was me, Lou and I’m sorry. I’ve been… acting strange and I don’t even know why. I’m sorry, baby. Really, I am.”

Louis sighed like he had been waiting to hear those words. “Are you jealous of me and Nick, Harry?”

The question completely threw him off, he hadn’t been expected to be asked straight out. He knew he was awfully obvious with his dislike to the couple. He hadn’t tried to hide it, either. But he was hoping Louis would easily avoid the apparent dislike without any questions like he had been in the past three months.

“What makes you say that?” Harry finally whispered.

Louis shrugged. “Like, I understand if you are. We’re close and I’d be jealous if somebody else was occupying your time, like, all the time. Be honest with me.”

“I’m a little jealous.”

Harry probably wouldn’t get off lying this time around. So, he decided to be honest.

“Little?”

“Yeah.”

“You know it’s irrational, right?” Louis turned around, twisting his torso so he was facing Harry instead. He buried his chin in Harry’s chest and Harry’s hand came to wrap around him, pulling him close and tangling their limbs together. Harry’s hand traced patterns on the back of Louis’ shirt, up and down with his fingernails and reveling in the way the other boy shivered. “You know, I’d never place anybody else above you? You were my first friend, my best friend and nobody can take your place.”

“Is that true?” Harry sounded weak, needing the reassurance.

“Of course, Harry. I love you, I’d never put anybody over you. Is it the same for me?”

“It’s mutual. I swear, it is.”

Louis hummed in approval, making a noise that sounded awful like relief before snuggling into his chest and passing out before he could say another word.

**

“Breakfast for the King.” Louis announced, putting two plates of food down on the island. Porridge with banana and cinnamon and honey drizzled on top with bowl of lucky charms for himself. “And one for a peasant.” He smirked, handing the porridge over to Harry.

Harry rubbed his eyes, yawning into his fist. “How long have you been awake? You weren’t there in the morning.”

Louis shrugged. “I was all… like worked up and couldn’t sleep.”

He moved to Louis, kissing his temple before thanking him for the breakfast and sitting down. 

“How comes?”

“I’m not sure, a little nervous.”

“Nervous?”

“Yeah, me and Nick are meeting up today. His school children are putting on a play and it’s auditions, he asked me to come along.”

Harry certainly didn’t wince at the mention of Nick’s name.

“Oh, right. Why are you nervous, babe?” He asked, digging his spoon in the porridge and blowing before taking a bite. “You’ll be excellent, pick out all the talented individuals.”

“I’m just going to feel awful to single out the most as talented people that don’t make the cut.”

“Oh, Louis.” He frowned, sighing. “Reassure them they’re just as talented, it’s only a matter of luck that fits the role.”

He nodded, shoving a spoonful of lucky charms in his mouth. “What are you planning to do today?”

“Well, I have work and then I’m planning to meet Zayn.”

Silence lingered in the air right after he announced his plans and he wondered if Louis genuinely got annoyed that he hung out with Zayn. Zayn was a laid back lad, he was easy to be around with. It allowed Harry to wind down from his self-loathing thoughts recently.

Until, Louis cleared his throat and smiled. “Sounds good.”

“I’d ask if you’d want to join but since you’re, like, busy--”

“It’s fine, babe.”

“Good,” he exhaled, “and um, have fun with Nick.”

Louis nodded shortly, another spoonful of lucky charms shoved into his mouth. “What about the guy that gave you that?” He waved the spoon to Harry’s still painfully obvious but fading hickey.

Right. Harry had to cover that before he went to work. It looked unprofessional and he really didn’t want to be reminded every time he looked in the mirror. He regretted that night, that moment of weakness. It was unlike him.

“I told you last night, it was nothing.”

“So you don’t know who it is?”

“Nah, not at all.”

Louis smirked. “Been getting around, haven’t you?”

It wasn’t a bitter remark. It was curious and just wondering and Harry shrugged. He hadn’t been getting around, at all. 

“I guess so, popular me,” he made a gesture by lifting the shoulder pads of his shirt and sticking his chin in the air.

Louis rolled his eyes, flinging a bit of his lucky charm towards Harry. “Dickface.”

“ _Heyyyyy_. You better clean that up!” Harry told him, shrugging off the soggy cereal off his newly washed and ironed shirt, grabbing a paper towel to wipe away the milk.

“Yes, your Highness.”

“Go snog Nick and leave me alone.”

“Will do,” Louis stuck his tongue out. “Gonna get on my knees for him and let him fuck my throat until I can’t talk.”

Harry’s stomach recoiled and his heartstrings pulled. Okay. Not too much detail.

“Don’t be vile,” he simply said, his voice carefully concealing the pain he felt as images ran through his mind of Louis on his knees.

He imagined Louis looking up to Harry through his lashes instead, mouthing along Harry’s crotch and letting Harry fuck his throat. The mere thought made his throat thicken up, instantly stuffing his mouth with another bite of porridge, unsuccessfully pushing the thoughts out of his mind.

Louis seemed entertained by his reaction. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Fuck off, Louis.”

“Feisty.”

“I gotta go, my shift’s starting in thirty minutes and I gotta catch the tube to Holborn.” Harry ended the conversation effectively before he made it obvious that the conversation was killing him.

Louis pouted. “Stay, baby.”

“Unlike you, I have work!”

“Hey, fuck you Styles, I work plenty.”

“You seem rather occupied with dick,” Harry smirked, dropping two wet kisses on both of Louis’ cheeks before grabbing his work bag and running out of the apartment before he got hard over his filthy thoughts.

**

Zayn was waiting for Harry outside their chosen restaurant, his leather jacket pulled over him and his cigarette in his mouth. He smiled when he noticed Harry emerging from the tube station, dropping his cigarette and stepping over it before putting a piece of gum into his mouth. He embraced Harry when they got closer.

“Ready for a meal?” He asked.

Harry sighed. “Ready as ever. Work drains me.”

They walked into the burger restaurant as they order their meal. Harry opted for the chicken grilled burger, still trying to make the healthy choices, as Zayn went for the cheeseburger claiming he needed the grease and comfort food.

They caught up on their day and their past week over their food, making light conversation. It was always easy with Zayn. He never pried despite his knowing gazes. It seemed like Zayn always knew what was going on before anyone even told him. It was clear he had an idea or two about the relationship between Louis and Harry, a faint smile on his lip as he took a bite out of his burger.

“We’ve been drifting for weeks, months, ever.” Harry sighed, stabbing the knife into the burger to cut a piece. “It’s always because of Nick-”

“I’m dating Liam.”

“- like, I don’t know.” Harry paused. “Wait, _what_?”

Zayn let out a choked chuckle, covering his mouth with his fists as he swallowed the burger in his mouth. “You heard right.”

Harry’s eyes widened, jumping off his seat to lean forward. “You what?!”

“I’m dating Liam!”

“Since bloody when?!”

Zayn’s smile widened. “We’ve experienced before but it wasn’t for us but we couldn’t hide the obvious attraction we have for each other. It sorta just happened, he was jealous over a man I was with at the club and one thing lead to another.”

“And you didn’t think of telling me?”

“You were too busy pining over your best friend like a pathetic dog.”

Well, at least it was brutally honest.

Harry rolled his eyes, slapping his shoulders. “This is _great_ news, Zayn! I need to see you two together.”

“Actually, I wanted to invite you and Louis tomorrow. We’re going to the club Hype for some drinks, to celebrate our dating, I guess.” He cringed, his features scrunching up as he let out a laugh. “As, um, ridiculous as that sounds.”

“Of course! We’ll be there, without a doubt.”

“Great.”

They finished off their meal talking more about Zayn and Liam, how they ended up having the ‘best sex of their lives’ and how they simply couldn’t live without each other. Maybe Harry felt a twinge of envy that Zayn was able to finally get with someone he’s clearly liked for the longest time. Mostly, he felt happiness and relief for his best friend.

When they finished, they took the tube back to Hampstead Heath and Harry unlocked the door to their apartment. He grabbed a bottle of beer for both of them, settling around the couch and though the TV was on, neither of them watched it. Harry was eager for details about Liam, Zayn was begging for more information about Louis.

“Liam tickled me as well, I nearly passed out from laughter.”

Harry hummed, taking a swing of his beer. “I’m not ticklish.”

“Fool, yes you are.”

“I’m not! I really am not!” Harry laughed out loud.

“If I tickle you right now, you’d still say you aren’t?”

Harry nodded, putting his beer down and stretching open his arms. “Try me.”

Zayn didn’t waste the opportunity, pouncing on him and settling between Harry’s legs before tickling underneath Harry’s armpits. He wasn’t very ticklish but he couldn’t help letting out a few giggles, tightening his legs around Zayn and throwing his head back in surrender. Zayn had a sinister grin on his face, digging his fingers in and touching all over the sides of his stomach until Harry let out a strangled laugh.

Just then, the door unlocked and Louis revealed himself.

Harry’s head popped up, his grin widening when he realised Louis was alone. “Hey, Lou, you’ll never guess what Zayn and-”

“What the _fuck_?” Louis’ tone was thunderous, his eyes glaring at the two of them wrapped around each other on the sofa.

Zayn squeaked out ‘oh’ and instantly detangled his body from Harry, sitting back with bright red cheeks. Harry narrowed his eyes, straightening up. 

“Louis?” He asked, not quite sure when the last time he had heard Louis so agitated. 

Louis just stormed over to the sofa, handing Zayn his leather jacket. “Get out.”

Zayn didn’t protest, a weak smile fighting his lips as he grabbed his jacket off Louis and started putting it on.

Harry felt enraged. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Louis?” He got up from the sofa, putting his hands on his hips.

“Was this the guy from the club, huh?” Louis demanded to know. “It was Zayn all along?”

Zayn stifled a laugh, clearly finding the situation amusing as he made his way towards the front door. Harry, on the other hand, wasn’t finding the whole ordeal nearly as funny. He shoved Louis gently with a finger to the chest.

“What are you playing at?” He said.

“Tell Zayn to get out.”

“He’s our friend, he’s not going anywhere.”

Zayn cleared his throat. “I’m leaving anyway, hope you two can come to the club where me and Liam are celebrating our _first date_ Since, you know, we got together..” He said with a smile, walking out of the door and closing the door behind him.

Silence fell between them.

Louis’ expression painted how ridiculous he looked, flushed, staring at the ground.

“Yes, Lou,” Harry mocked. “Liam and Zayn got together, whilst you’re here thinking me and him got each other off.”

Louis’ head snapped up. “ _Whatever_. You got your eyes on Zayn, I know it. I’ve seen the way you look at him. Pathetic.”

It was the furthest from the truth and it was so false that it made Harry choke on a laugh, shaking his head.

“You’re delusional.”

“Am I?”

“Yes, you’re fucking embarrassing,” Harry spat, leaving to move to his bedroom but Louis moved out and held his wrist.

“Don’t leave when we’re arguing.”

“I’m sorry I don’t have any interest in some stupid argument,” Harry tried to snap his arm back and Louis tightening his hold, eyes glaring. “Let me go.”

“No. You’re staying here and we’re figuring this out.”

“Figure out what, Louis?” He laughed. “The fact that you’re insanely jealous over me and Zayn, over nothing?”

“Do you blame me for assuming?”

“Yes, I do.”

Louis looked like he was close to tears, finally letting go of his wrist. “Look, Harry--”

“No, Louis. I don’t want to talk to you right now, you made us both look like fools in front of _our_ friend, Zayn. Not just mine, since you like to claim nowadays.”

Louis glowered. “Nowadays, all you care about is Zayn. Zayn this, Zayn that. I’m sick and tired of it!”

“You’re obsessed with Nick, do I fucking complain?”

“How the hell am I obsessed with Nick?!”

“Always around him, bringing him around _our_ apartment and making him settle in here. He has a drawer in your room, doesn’t he?”

Louis took a step back. “I wonder how the fuck that’s any of your business. He’s my _boyfriend_ of course I share a bloody drawer with him.”

“Whatever. I literally don’t care.”

“You never care about me anymore. You haven’t cared about me since I got with Nick.”

It was a quiet confession, like it actually hurt Louis to admit but he still said it and he still stood by his words. 

He moved forward, stabbing his finger into Louis’ chest hard. “Don’t fuck with me. I fucking love you, you’re my best friend. Don’t disrespect me and our friendship.”

Louis tilted his head, nodding as he raised his brow. “Only my friend when I’m not fucking Nick?”

“That’s not true!”

“You’re a dick, Harry and I regret ever fucking-”

Harry didn’t want to hear those words. He did not want to hear Louis’ regret and he knew it’d stab him right in the chest. So, he held Louis’ wrist and pulled him forward to crash his lips together with Louis without realising what he was doing. Louis squeaked out in surprise and Harry felt his heart beginning to hammer out of his chest, realising he had wanted to do this for the longest time and he was _finally_ doing it. Harry couldn’t back down, not now so he started kissing Louis.

It took a minute for Louis to respond before his hand finally fell on Harry’s waist, tugging him closer. Their teeth clashed as they kiss with urgency, like they need each other’s lips on each to breathe. They stumbled across the living room, tugging on each other’s tops as they tried to get it off. Harry pulled away to help to take the shirt off but Louis threw him back down on the sofa, successfully straddling her hips.

“You’re obscene, taking home guys and girls,” Louis hissed, digging his teeth into Harry’s neck and sucking a mark right above the previous one that was fading. 

Harry gasped out loud, his back arching off the sofa as he tried to move into Louis’ hold. Louis held his neck with one hand, the other flat across his stomach as he continued to suck and then pulled back to kiss over the new bruise, licking over to soothe it. He moved on to another part of Harry’s flesh, sucking marks all over.

Harry was moaning underneath him, his hand clutched in Louis’ hair and tugging. He pulled him back by his fistful of Louis’ hair, directing himself back to his lips. Louis took the sign, surging forward and connecting their lips again as he started rolling his hips over Harry’s crotch, sighing prettily against Harry’s lips.

“I want you so bad,” Harry whimpered. It was a confession made out of weakness, out of the spur of the moment and he regretted it as soon as they left his lips.

Just like that, Louis snapped out of his trance. He immediately pulled back, his eyes wide as he stepped out of his lap and pulled his arms around his front like he was trying to hide himself. Harry blinked like he had no idea what had just happened, getting up slowly too.

“What the fuck?” Louis whispered out, his fingers ghosting around his own lips.

Harry sighed. “I’m… so sorry.”

“Harry, I have a fucking boyfriend! I can’t believe you let me do that!”

Louis seemed genuinely upset, tears swimming in his eyes as he took a step further back from there. He seemed like he could break down any minute and Harry had caused that. He had initiated the kiss because he couldn’t keep it in his pants and now, their friendship was effectively ruined. From one fucking kiss.

Harry felt a tear rolling down his cheek, moving forward to wipe it away furiously.

“Louis, I’m so sorry.” He whispered.

“You make me feel sick,” Louis spat, grabbing his phone and heading right out of the door without a word.

**

Louis didn’t come home the next night.

Harry wasn’t surprised, though it hurt. He had wondered if he was genuinely so repulsive that the idea of kissing made Louis feel sick to his stomach. He wondered how long he was going to make a fool of himself, wanting and pining for Louis when Louis was happy in another relationship. Harry was just a pathetic homewrecker, developing feelings for people who don’t return it back to him.

He got ready for the drinks at the club to celebrate Zayn’s and Liam’s get together, wondering if Louis had gotten the memo and would show up too. He called Zayn and let him know what had happened, who didn’t seem the surprised in the least, but promised he’d handle tonight so it wouldn’t be awkward.

Harry didn’t dare text Louis, he switched his phone off entirely.

He felt heartbroken, even if it was an exaggeration. He felt like Louis had ripped out his heart, stomped all over it and shattered it to pieces. Louis had kissed him back and then when Harry confessed his want, he had recoiled like he had been punched in the stomach.

Louis didn’t want Harry back.

He didn’t want him.

Harry pushed all his self pitiful thoughts to the back of his mind, picking up his oyster and walking to the tube station. He had to change trains to get to Bond Street, resting his head against the glass as the memories of Louis kissing him and grinding down on his lap filtered his mind. Louis had felt amazing, just from one touch and he yearned for more. No matter how ridiculous it was, no matter how little Louis returned the same feeling for him.

When his stop came, he jumped out of the train and walked towards the club they had agreed to meet.

As expected, Liam and Zayn were waiting there with their hands twined. They had sloppy, genuine smiles plastered over their lips and though no liquor had been consumed yet, they seemed drunk in love with each other. Liam was pecking his lips, displaying a disgusting amount of PDA. But, unexpectedly, Louis was standing by their side too with Nick’s arm around his waist.

Harry paused, wondered if it wasn’t too late to catch the train home. 

It had been _him_ yesterday who had kissed Louis and he couldn’t get his mind off it. Yet, here Louis was with his boyfriend like the event hadn’t even fazed him in the slightest. 

As he was about to turn around and make a dash for it, Niall appeared from the back of him with his arm around Barbara and a bright smile on his face.

“My boy!” He cheered, hugging Harry quickly.

Great. Harry was the only single one tonight between his mates who were all in relationships.

Harry plastered on a grin, refusing to ruin the night since he knew he coudn’t make a run for it anymore. He greeted Barbara too, embracing her and pecking her cheeks before they walked to the line where the other friends were.

Liam seemed overjoyed by the turn out, hugging each of the guests and returning to his devoted side besides Zayn.

“I’m so glad you guys could come, we’re going to get absolutely hammered!” He promised, leaning down to kiss Zayn’s lips.

Ugh. Couples.

Zayn was looking happier than ever, his eyes crinkled from the joy he was feeling as he remained glued to Liam’s side. Louis barely looked up to acknowledge Harry, only muttering a welcome to both Niall and Barbara before hugging Nick and staying his embrace to refrain from talking to anybody else.

Harry felt like he was burning from the spot he was standing in, felt like he was transparent and everybody could look through him and what he was feeling. He wanted to go home, he was tired of feeling like a fool and making a scene out of his emotions. He felt so incredibly stupid for kissing Louis, for jeopardising his and Nick’s relationship, for once again, only thinking about himself. Yet, he wanted more.

When they entered the club, he instantly made his way towards the bar and drowned a couple of drinks. He wasn’t in the mood to watch Nick and Louis dancing upon each other out of the corner of his eyes, their bodies swaying together like it fit like puzzle pieces. He was tired of torturing himself repeatedly every single day. He refused to carry on doing it. Instead, he kept buying himself drinks and allowed Niall a dance with him.

Zayn and Liam were lost within themselves, so absorbed with their newfound affection for each other that they had wandered off somewhere else. Just the two of them.

Harry didn’t care, though. He was going to sit right here and seethe.

Eventually, somebody else approached him. The man was older than him, he had a curly mane with a high fade black hair and he had soft brown eyes full of lust as he stared Harry up and down. 

“Can I buy you a drink, gorgeous?” He asked, his voice nothing like Louis, rough and husky.

Harry nodded. “Please.”

“I’m Calum.”

“I’m Harry.”

Calum ordered Harry a gin and tonic, passing the drink over and sipping at his own. “You come here often then, Harry?” The name rolled off his tongue like he was testing out how it sounded from his own mouth.

“Wanna dance?” Is all he responded with, feeling numb and wanting to feel somebody upon him so he could forget everything.

Calum smirked, looking pleased. “Thought you’d never ask.”

They moved towards the dance floor, both holding their drinks as Harry sipped back on the alcohol and started dancing on Calum. Calum’s body didn’t provide him any heat but he was still a good dancer, swaying his hips in time with the beat of the music and keeping his hand on the small of Harry’s back. They put on a show, leaving no distance between each other as Harry felt Calum’s hard cock straining in his jeans, pushing it on Harry. Calum leaned forward, licking behind Harry’s ear.

“You’re gorgeous.”

“Thanks.”

“You can move your hips, you’re beautiful.”

Harry accepted all the compliments, nodding as he finished the last of his drink and Calum returned to the bar to buy him another round. They spent the better half of the next half hour drinking, dancing upon each other until Calum tugged on his arm.

“Come home with me,” he requested, his breath stank of alcohol and his hands felt rough, tightening.

Harry squirmed in the painful hold. “Um,” he tried to decline.

“Come on, you can’t put on a show for me all night and then _not_ come back with me?” Calum sounded outraged, his eyes flashing as he pulled tighter.

Harry attempted to twist around, to get out of the grip but Calum was larger than him and didn’t ease up. He felt ridiculously close to tears, feeling trapped as he kept trying to pull away.

“No,” Harry said as firmly as possible with how worked up he felt.

Calum pouted. “Oh c’mon, baby, I know you can get freaky for me. I know you want to, I can see it in your eyes.”

Did he? Did he see how afraid Harry was feeling, skittish eyes glancing around the club to see if anybody could help him out. He felt his heart beating out of his chest, his mind slowing down and making everything pass in slow motion.

Before he realised what was happening, he felt the grip loosening as he was pushed back against somebody else. His eyes snapped up to the side to see Louis standing there, eyes fierce as he spat at Calum.

“Mate, can’t you see he doesn’t want to go back with you?” Louis was smaller than both of them but his presence demanded to be heard, to be seen as he tugged Harry back with him, away from Calum.

Relief spread through Harry’s body, relaxing.

Calum narrowed his eyes. “And who the fuck are you?”

“His bloody boyfriend so back the fuck off,” he continued, glaring as he turned and tugged Harry along with him to the other side of the club where all the boys were sat together.

Harry wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was the combined events of yesterday with somebody else’s fingers on him, maybe it was the past few months since he had realised he was in love with Louis, but he started crying. He had never experienced pain like he was now, like he was drowning and couldn’t breathe. Like he was struggling to pass each second, unable to see anything else besides the happy couple that was Louis and Nick.

Louis’ angry expression instantly melted, his hold going slack. “Harry?” He asked, his voice soft like honey as he reached over to cup his cheek. “Babe, why are you crying? It’s okay, I got you away from the man.”

_That’s not it. I’m fucking in love with you and I can’t think of anything or anybody else, ever. It hurts._

“Niall, please,” he croaked, refusing to acknowledge Louis’ presence and keeping his gaze diverted downwards.

Louis took a step back, understanding he wasn’t wanted at the moment and Harry didn’t miss the hurt expression that took over his features. Niall jumped to action, getting off his seat and leading Harry out of the club. As soon as the breeze hit Harry, he let out a broken sob and started crying openly, loudly.

Niall cursed loudly, embracing him and moving him to the bench on the side so he could cry unabashedly.

“Mate,” Niall’s voice was hesitant. “Did that guy hurt you? Did he do something? Tell me, I’ll knock him out.”

Harry couldn’t respond through his sobs, his chest heaving as he kept shaking his head resting on Niall’s chest. “It hurts, Niall. It hurts so fucking much.”

“What hurts mate? You got a headache or something?”

He let out a wet chuckle because Niall was a good friend but he was also absolutely clueless.

“Can you just take me home, please? I don’t want to be here anymore.”

**

Louis didn’t come home for days.

Harry didn’t try to talk to him.

He wasn’t going to continue being lovesick over Louis, he wasn’t going to ruin himself for him. He loved Louis but he wasn’t going to continue to allow himself feel like this. He didn’t bother reaching out, he didn’t call him or text him. He immersed himself into his work, picking up all the later shifts and staying out as late as possible. He was going to get over his crush for Louis, he was going to pick up his dignity and move on. He had to realise when he wasn’t wanted, where he was making a fool of himself.

Niall was a great friend, always taking care of Harry and making sure he’s okay. Him and Barbara visited often, took Harry out and made sure he was otherwise occupied rather than staying cooped up inside.

“You’ll be fine,” Niall kept reassuring him.

Harry wasn’t sure about it. But he didn’t care. He was going to make himself fine.

Every time he went on Facebook and saw another new picture of Louis and Nick having fun together, he’d throw his phone at the wall and scowl. In the end, he ending up deleting the app so he didn’t have to see another fucking suffocating picture of the happy couple.

He visited Zayn and Liam who had been spending an awful amount of time together, always around each other’s company. Liam prepared a stir fry for him, sitting opposite him with Zayn as they held hands on the table.

“Mate, I’m sorry it sucks so bad,” Liam said sincerely. “Pining is the worst, I hated it before I got with Zayn.”

Harry shrugged, grabbing the plate of the prepared meal. “It’s whatever.” 

“It’s painful.”

“I said, it’s whatever.”

Zayn gave Liam a look and they both fell silent, not pushing the topic anymore and instead, asking Harry about his plans for the upcoming two weeks he had been given off work. Harry shrugged. He had contemplated about going back home to Holmes Chapel for a while, forgetting all about Louis and his happy married life with Nick. He could catch up with his mother, see his sister again, talk to his stepfather and gain some more wise life lessons. They’d know how to help Harry.

When he fell asleep on Zayn’s sofa, he felt empty. He always felt empty.

**

The following morning, when he returned home, Louis was waiting for him on the sofa.

Harry hadn’t seen Louis in a while, but it didn’t seem like he had been losing sleep over Harry. He looked good, his skin tanned and a bright look in his eyes. He looked as beautiful as ever, always glowing, always aesthetically pleasing. 

When he noticed Harry had walked into the apartment, he looked up and tried to force a smile. 

“You’re here, finally.”

Harry shrugged, not really in the mood to talk to Louis right now. He put his keys in the dish by the door, taking his coat off.

“It is my home.”

“Can we, like, talk? Properly?”

“About what?” Harry asked, his voice already giving out as it cracked and he walked quickly towards to the kitchen to grab himself a glass of water. He wasn’t going to continuously show his weaknesses to Louis.

Louis followed right behind him. “Well, I think it’s fairly obvious.”

It had been an entire week since he had kissed Louis, since he had felt the boy's lips against him and had been granted a taste of the exotic boy before him. A week since he had successfully, single handedly, ruined their beautiful friendship by giving away his obvious love for him too. Harry just had a knack of ruining things.

“I’d rather we didn’t?” Harry suggested, opening the fridge to grab the carton of apple juice. “What happened has happened. Let’s just keep it that way.”

“I’d rather we did, actually.”

He sighed. “Look, I know what you’re going to say. It was a mistake, you’re with Nick and we should pretend like it never happened and never mention it in front of Nick. Correct?”

Louis stared. “Pretty much.”

“So, the conversation is over.”

“It didn’t feel like a mistake, though.”

Harry froze, the carton in the air from the halt of his actions. Was Louis purposely fucking with him now, trying to get on his nerves for absolutely no reasons? He couldn’t be with Nick and yet say such things. It was just not allowed.

He gritted his teeth. “Really? Too bad, it felt like one too me.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I don’t?”

“Nope. I know you don’t.”

Harry chuckled humorlessly, putting the carton down and glared at Louis. “And what the fuck do you know, really?”

“I don’t know much but I’m not stupid, Harry. I know you’ve been feeling some type of way since Nick came into the picture. You’ve been avoiding me, you’ve been finding reasons to hate Nick. It’s fucking obvious.”

He felt himself flush. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I do, Harry. Because I know you and I’ve grown up with you, I know everything you feel.”

Harry dropped the carton. “You _don’t_. You know what I let you know, what I let on. You don’t know anything, Louis so stop fucking acting like it.”

“We’ve been friends since we were children, Harry!” Louis waved his arm in the air, frustrated. “I know everything, whether you’d like to admit it or not and you either have a crush on me or Nick.”

Harry shook his head. Suddenly, this conversation wasn’t one he wanted to be a part of and the mere thought of Louis catching up to his feelings made his stomach swim with nerves. He started moving back from the kitchen, towards the door because this felt too real, too quick. He wasn’t ready to admit his feelings. So, Louis coming up to him and suggesting he had a crush was not a conversation they were going to have.

Louis, as always, followed. “Look, I don’t mean anything by it. I don’t mean, like, Harry. I just miss us and you’re fucking us up.”

Harry refused to answer, looking away as he felt his insides squirm. He grabbed his jacket, shrugging it on. 

“Harry. Please, listen to me.”

“Go away, Louis.”

Louis groaned loudly. “Look, I’m really sorry but--”

“ _Fuck_ off, Louis!” Harry belted out. “Leave me alone, you stop assuming I’m in love with you or something because _I’m not_. And I have a date with somebody right now so move.”

Lies. Lies. Lies.

Louis’ expression fell. He crossed his arm. “Good that you’re not in love with me because _I’m_ in love with Nick and how dare you try to ruin our relationship. How dare you kiss me when you have no interest, feelings for me.”

Harry laughed, shaking his head at how stupid this all was.

How wrong it all was.

“I got a date,” is all he said, lying straight through his teeth. 

“If you don’t back off, I’ll have to move out.”

“Back off!?” Harry let out, immediately heated again.“Back off what? Your mediocre relationship with Nick? I don’t give a shit, Louis, wake the fuck up. I don’t care.”

With that, he made his way to leave the apartment and stormed towards the stairs. He clutched the keys in one hand, his oyster in the other hand as his mind scanned desperately for a place to go besides his usual safe havens. Right behind him, Louis was running after him.

“Wait, Harry!” Louis was calling for him, stumbling down the stairs to catch up to him.

A part of Harry wanted to stop but the other part of him only urged him to pick up speed, opening the door and running out. Louis was faster though, caught up to him and grabbed his arm to swivel him back around.

“Wait, will you?” He pleaded, his eyes desperate.

Harry turned back around to him, eyes brimming with tears. God, he was so sick and tired of crying because of this.

“What?”

“Please, come back, Harry. I’m so sorry, love. I didn’t mean any of that. Please.”

Louis looked absolutely desperate, his eyes wide and his frame trembling as he reached over and kept a tight hold on Harry like he was afraid the other lad was about to fly away any second now. Harry sighed, exhaling.

“You want me to move out.”

“No, never. Ever.”

“I’m a shit friend, Louis. Just let me go.”

“Never, Harry. You’re my best friend and I’m a fool for ever saying anything. Please.”

“You’re not the fool, it’s me.”

Louis shook his head, opening his arms up so he could hug Harry. They stood in the parking lot, embracing each other as Louis shook in his arms. He seemed so vulnerable and Harry hated how they both seemed to be pushing each other right to the limit.

They both went back upstairs to their apartment and went straight to bed. 

Though they were still both fully clothed, Louis spooned Harry this time and buried his head in Harry’s neck, breathing in his strawberry scented shampoo. Harry didn’t want to cry, he really didn’t but he couldn’t help the sob that broke out of him. Louis tightened his hold, letting him cry as Harry let the tears trickle down quietly.

“It’s okay. Let ‘em go.”

“I’m sorry, Louis. I never wanted to be like this. I’m so jealous and I don’t even know how to stop it.”

Louis sighed. “I’m jealous, too.”

“You’re my best friend, I don’t want to lose you.”

They stayed silent for a moment.

“Do you remember when Mark disowned me?” Louis finally said.

Harry froze. “We never talk about that.”

“I know but… do you remember? I had been crying, I was an absolute mess. My stepfather and my mother had disowned me, easily and didn’t want me around anymore. I remember you. You being there, looking after me, helping me pack my things and move into yours for the meanwhile. Do you remember?”

How could Harry ever forget? It was, by far, the worst day of both their lives.

He remembered getting the call around 8PM, Louis crying down the line and he was barely able to get a word or two out. Harry remembered being only 16 and scared for Louis’ life, running to his house as fast as his feet could carry him and instantly taking him back to his own house. He remembered holding Louis as he cried loud, not holding anything back, and refused to move from Harry’s bed or embrace for days on end. He also remembered the small strain that was put on their relationship when Louis had to move to his aunt's temporarily, having to travel an hour to school and their time to hang out decreased.

Louis had, since, removed the memory from his life and refused to ever talk about it. He never wanted to dwell on the bad moment, never wanting to remember the lowest point of his life. Harry had made a point to never bring it up either.

“Of course I remember.”

Louis exhaled before resuming his story. “Well, that was the time I realised you were the one for me. Like, the best friend that was always going to be a part of my life no matter where I went, what I did. I knew I’d always have you by my side. My soulmate.”

Louis had expressed on many occasions that he believed in soulmates but not just the soulmate who resembled as your lover. He believed in multiple soulmates, as family, friends and potential lovers. He believed that soulmates came into your life for a purpose, for a lesson and he was aware he had met one already.

It was Harry.

Harry squeezed his eyes. “I love you, Louis. I really never want us to drift apart.”

“Neither do I.”

“You’re my soulmate too.”

“Can you forgive me for being a douche?”

Harry shook his head. “Please, stop.”

They eventually fell asleep in each other’s arms.

**

Harry had woke up alone that morning.

He continued to wake up to a lonely apartment.

He wasn’t sure if he had the energy left to care.

**

“Can you two stop fucking kissing each other?” Harry groaned, burying his head in his hands as he watched Liam and Zayn snog each other senseless in the pub. Recently, he had been witnessing too much PDA from the pair and he was growing sick of it.

Liam pulled back, his hand still wrapped around the back of Zayn’s neck. “Jealous, Styles?”

“Fuck you.”

“Moody, much.”

“He’s moody because he hasn’t talked to Louis in two months.”

Two months.

Two whole bloody months had passed and he hadn’t heard a single word from Louis. The only time he saw Louis was during the night when he came home and Louis’ bedroom door would already be shut. Clear he wasn’t in the mood for company.

They hadn’t communicated a single word to each other since. Not a hello, not a how you doing? Complete radio silence.

To say Harry had been miserable and moody was an understatement.

“Can we stop bloody mentioning Louis for once in our lives?” Harry snapped, sipping back his pint. “I’m so sick and tired of him. His name, his presence.”

Zayn and Liam looked at each other, not looking the least convinced but they gave up the topic easily. They hated making Harry feel uncomfortable. They had also been spending a lot of time with him, probably out of pity, to ensure he wouldn’t push himself over the edge. Or something. He was so tired of their pitiful looks, their sympathetic words.

“I haven’t seen Louis in a while either,” Liam shrugged.

Zayn cleared his throat. “I do, every now and then.”

Harry ached to ask how he was doing, if he was well. But it was ridiculous he’d ask someone else when he lived with Louis and still didn’t know. They were miles apart from each other and they lived in one place together. Harry had never imagined his friendship with Louis falling apart so easily, so quickly. He had imagined they’d be best friends forever, not spend a single day without talking to each other. He had been imagining fantasies. 

They didn’t have an argument or another major fall out. They naturally distanced. After their last night spent cuddling together, Louis had withdrawn himself and Harry felt inclined to do the same. He was tired of always wondering what to do, wondering if he was in the wrong or not and this route allowed him to get over his silly crush for Louis. He could focus on himself, for once.

“Is he good?” Liam asked, like he had read Harry’s mind.

“As good as once can be, I guess.” Zayn answered, not giving too much away.

It didn’t sound genuine and the mere thought made Harry’s insides squirm but he didn’t voice his discomfort. 

Obviously, he still cared. Louis was his best friend since they were children, grown up together, he couldn’t just possibly erase that love and their history in a second. Or a month. Or two.

“So how have you been, Harry?”

“Um. Good.” He replied with a kind smile.

Harry was planning to quit his job at the PR agency though he hadn’t quite told Liam yet. He had enjoyed his time at the firm, had gotten along with his colleagues well and had formed many new friendships. But the time was coming to an end and he wanted to do more and get further with his degree. He had new plans for his life now that he could see things more clearly.

“Any plans for Easter?”

Harry shrugged. “I’ll probably go home, eat baked goods for weeks on end and gain some weight,” he chuckled, rubbing his flat stomach.

“I think I’m going to take Liam home for the first time.”

“Oh?” Harry raised his brow, vaguely recalling how Zayn had talked openly about how his father wouldn’t be accepting of his sexuality. “Are you ready for that?”

He glanced over to Liam, crinkling his nose. “I’m scared shitless but I’m ready. Liam’s not my dirty secret, or anything, and I want my family to know my devotion to him.”

“Gross. Couples are just gross.” Harry exclaimed his disgust, wrinkling his nose as he took another sip of his drink.

They spent another hour catching up with each other, talking a little about the woman in the office and her supposedly pregnancy scare. Harry felt like he was back in secondary school, giggling and gossiping about the people at his workplace but it felt comfortable and he felt normal for once. 

Maybe things could get better for Harry. With Louis or without.

**

“Yeah? Um, Aidan, I’m not sure. Like. I’ll have to check with my shifts for the week,” Harry spoke into his phone as he tried to unlock the door with one hand, opening the door with his foot and walking into his apartment. “Yeah. Of course. I’d love to meet up and have lunch. I’ll text you whenever I’m free next.”

He smiled, feeling like he had accomplished something by making plans with somebody that didn’t live in London. He missed his friends from back home, barely got time to see them anymore now that he was living somewhere else and had long moved on from Holmes Chapel. He dropped his keys in the dish on the table by the door, shuffling out of his boots and walking down the hallway.

He froze when he saw Louis sitting on the sofa.

The truth is, Harry hasn’t seen Louis properly in three months now and it was a little surprising to see him sitting there, openly. It was also pathetic. This was their shared apartment and he shouldn’t feel shocked to see his flatmate sitting on the sofa they had brought together two years ago.

Louis looked awful, as well.

His hair was greasy, pushed back and his eyes were red rimmed like he had been crying for ages. His cheekbones were sunken in, looking fragile as ever and he had puffy red cheeks. He was wearing dirty, torn down clothes and he was snuggling on himself on the sofa. 

Harry stood in the room for a moment, unsure how to approach the situation. He wondered when it had become difficult to ever talk to Louis, when he felt unable to just go over to him and comfort him. It had been like gut instinct to him before, he never had to think twice and now, he was treading lightly.

He cleared his throat, his gut instinct begging him to go over and embrace Louis with all the force in his being. But he remained glued on the spot where he stood, watching with weary eyes.

Louis caught the sound, snapping out of his daze and looking up. There was a faint smile on his lip that grew upon recognising who stood there but it only lasted for a moment, replaced with a neutral expression.

“Hey..” Harry’s voice was soft. His heart was hammering and his mind was racing and all he wanted to do was reach out, to touch, to soothe. He wanted to run his fingers across Louis’ cheekbones, wanted to kiss his red eyes. The three months apart had done nothing to falter any of his feelings. “Louis? Um, it’s me. Are you… okay?”

Louis squinted like he was trying to pour all his attention into the TV show he had been watching, seeming uninterested.

“Why do you ask?”

Harry felt immense relief spreading through his veins at the sound of Louis’ voice, reviving and coming back to life. He had missed Louis’ voice, the way he sounded when he woke up in the morning or when he was worked up over something out of his control. He could quite possibly sit and listen to Louis talk for a lifetime, if he was given the chance.

“I… just, you look like--”

“Shit?” Louis supplied curtly.

“Is everything okay?”

Louis pushed his tongue on the insides of his cheeks, shrugging. “It’s fine, Harry. Don’t worry yourself. Sorry for sitting out here,” he began to make the move to get up from the sofa, switching off the TV.

Harry instantly moved forward, reaching out to grab Louis’ hand but recoiling and letting his hand fall limp.

“No, don’t be stupid. This is your apartment as much as mine. Sit, I’ll go to my room.”

Harry didn’t want to go to his room. He wanted to sit here with Louis, he wanted to envelop him in a hug and he wanted to hold him close until he could hear Louis’ heart beating against his. He wanted to memorise each and every bump and curve on his body, wanted to feel him again. But that’s the whole reason they were in this mess. Because he was selfish and couldn’t resist his desires.

Louis didn’t argue. He didn’t seem to have the energy to do so.

Harry excused himself, walking to his bedroom and collapsing into his bed. He allowed himself to cry for the first time that month.

**

Harry was hanging out with Niall when he had gotten the call.

They had decided to have a picnic in Hyde park, a change of scenery in the heart of Central London. Barbara brought the savoury including sandwiches and pasta with cheese and crackers. Harry had contributed with the fruits ranging from strawberries, blueberries and grapes. Niall had pitched in to buy the drinks, three beer bottles each as well as water and apple juice. 

They had been sitting together, Harry going through his life and how he was now unemployed and looking for work. Barbara talked about her potential chance to get her break in the fashion industry. Niall had recorded a song, nothing major, just on his phone and he played his own music as they ate the food.

Then Harry’s phone had rang.

At first, he ignored it. Whatever it was, it wasn’t important and he’d get it later. He was hanging out with his mates and he felt rude to pick up a call, disrupting their rather pleasant picnic during a beautiful, warm day.

But it kept ringing.

Harry decided he simply couldn’t ignore it any longer, in case it really was an emergency and the nerves only grew when he realised it was three missed calls from Anne. His mother. 

Without a second thought, he called back.

“Mum?” He spoke into the phone as soon as she had accepted the call, running a hand through his hair. “You were calling me? I’m sorry I didn’t pick up, I’m with Niall and Barb at the--”

It was one sentence, Anne’s choked out cry. “Robin has had a stroke, Harry. I need you here. Please.”

Needless to say, he had taken the first train out of London back to Holmes Chapel without a second thought.

Harry was rather fond of his step-father. The divorce between his parents hadn’t been messy, it was an easy separation and Harry never felt the affects too much. He still saw his father, he still lived with his mother and both parents were on talking terms which made things feel a lot of easier. When Robin came into the picture, he was a calm, compassionate man with a good soul and Harry had instantly liked him.

He developed love for Robin, treated him like any other family member and swore he’d do anything to look out for him. To treat him like his own. So, granted, the news of the stroke had left Harry in a state of confusion and hurt. 

He could barely collect his thoughts together as he had thrown his belongings into a bag, unsure how long he’d be away for. All he could think about was Robin, whether he was okay, the thought of his mother pacing the hospital wards alone without anybody to be her rock. He felt the anxiety bubbling in the pits of his stomach, knew he had to get there as soon as possible. He simply didn’t have any time to waste around.

On the train, Harry spared Gemma a call who had assured him she was on her way there too and she’d arrive before him considering she lived in Manchester and the journey was barely an hour.

When he finally stepped off the train in Holmes Chapel, he caught the bus straight from outside the station towards the hospital and the whole journey, he couldn’t sort through his thoughts. He hadn’t been able to collect many details from his mother on the phone, she had been rambling and crying and it was difficult to get a word across. He knew he’d only really find out Robin’s plight and the extent of the damage until he would reach there. The whole ordeal made him uneasy.

When the bus stopped outside the hospital, he made a beeline for the entrance. He already had details of the ward and the room, thanks to Gemma, and instantly took the stairs two steps at a time towards the ward.

Something that felt like relief swarmed through him as he recognised Gemma waiting outside.

“Gems,” he called out to her, his voice thick as her head snapped up and they embraced.

He hadn’t seen his sister in a long time, possibly over six months. Gemma had entered the modelling industry and had become increasingly busy with her life. Though she was still working with the less known brands, she was climbing the ladder easily. She commuted between London and Manchester for her shoots, never had time to stop for Harry before she moved onto the next call from another brand.

“How is he?” Harry asked, his neck still buried in Gemma’s neck, trying to soak up her warmth. “Where’s mum? What’s going on?”

Gemma shuddered in his embrace. “Mum’s just inside the ward by his bedside, only one person at a time is allowed there.” She sighed, pulling away and giving him a wobbled smile. It didn’t reach her eyes that were still brimming with tears. “Robin had an ischemic stroke, the artery in his brain became blocked which spurred on his symptoms. The doctors are performing an emergency procedure at the moment to remove the clot and I have no idea what else is going on.”

“Is he going to be okay?”

The thought made Gemma’s tears slip out. “God, I don’t know, Harry.” She answered truthfully, her lip wobbling.

Harry didn’t make her talk anymore. He hugged her back, rubbing her back in a comforting manner though he felt just as in despair. He wanted to desperately to see his mother, wanted more details but he knew he wasn’t allowed in the ward and he’d just have to wait. He hated the thought of his mum sitting alone, just waiting, wallowing in her negativity. The whole situation felt surreal to him.

Eventually, an hour later, Anne wandered out to the waiting room. She had a brave face plastered on but at the sight of her son, she crumbled and he instantly moved forward to embrace her before she started sobbing loudly. 

“It was so scary,” was all she was able to mumble into Harry’s shoulders, her body still shaking from the after effects.

Harry helped her with a glass of water from the dispenser in the waiting room, sitting her down as she took sips.

“He’s okay. He’s had the emergency operation. They’re not sure whether he’ll be making a full recovery or the extent of his injuries. He may have speech problems--” Anne cut herself off as another round of tears overtook her.

“It’ll be fine, mum,” he reassured her even though the words sounded foreign to his own ears. “Robin is a brave, strong man and he’ll pull through. Even if the after effects are devastating, he’ll make a full recovery.”

“Yes, mum,” Gemma added in. “Me and Harry will stay back for as long as you need, help out as much as you need.”

Harry nodded in agreement.

Anne hummed in approval, kissing both her children on the forehead. “He’s going to be sleeping for the most of today, my poor man.”

“How did it happen, mum?” Gemma dared to ask.

“It… was so frightening because I had never seen Robin like that in my life before. I had just been sitting watching TV with him, it was a usual afternoon for him before his speech started slurring. I paid no attention, at first, before he tried to reach over to me and his arm just… fell limp. I tried to talk to him, to get across what he was experiencing and feeling, but he couldn’t get his words out and he get squinting like he couldn’t quite see. I immediately called the ambulance.” She paused, sighing. “They’re not sure what could’ve caused the stroke, still looking into the different factors relevant to Robin. They may think it’s due to his high blood pressure added along to his lifestyle choices.”

“And what did they suggest for recovery?”

Anne wet out a wet laugh. “Honey, it’s far too soon to know yet. We just gotta have faith that he’ll pull through.”

**

Louis was a selfish, self conceited bastard.

He knew he should be there for Harry, he knew withdrawing helped nobody and certainly not themselves. But it was what he knew best, pushing people away. He had been used to people leaving his life. After his entire family abandoned him and he never saw his mother or sisters again, he started setting himself up for the abandonment before it inevitably came to him. Harry knew he had abandonment issues and he didn’t try to reassure Louis, pull him back him. Instead, he pushed back further and possibly took ten steps back with that.

So, Louis was an awful excuse of a human being.

Not only had he managed to effectively lose the best friend, and quite frankly his soulmate, because of his immature actions. But he managed to realise he was hopelessly, unbelievably in love with Harry once the absence between their friendship became noticeable.

Louis has always had some type of feelings for Harry.

At first, he registered it as pure adoration for the boy. They grew up together, they spent each waking life together, going through puberty and new experiences together - it had to be just pure adoration. He adored Harry. When he turned sixteen and watched Harry help him move out, nearly giving up on the new persona that took place over him usual cheerful self, he was sure he had developed feelings for Harry. That was terrifying. 

When he realised he had feelings for Harry, like proper, I want to kiss you, feelings - his reaction was to push it away. He had moved in with his aunts’ an hour away from the neighbourhood, he pushed himself to interact with anybody else but Harry. He quickly realised there was no need to push it away. He had already kissed Harry once on the lips, when they both realised they were gay and needed a confirmation, and he yearned the taste back no matter how much he denied himself the lust.

It was terrifying because Harry was… absolutely everything.

He was everything a person could want, and more, in one human body with a personality that deserved more. Louis couldn’t give him that. He was damaged goods, he was broken apart by the tragedy of his family, and he certainly wasn’t good enough for Harry either. He rationalised the whole ordeal with himself, claiming he wasn’t up to Harry’s standards and it would effectively ruin their friendship.

Louis was a coward, too.

He didn’t have the guts to admit he possibly loved Harry.

Okay, not possibly. Undeniably loved Harry.

So when he started realising that Harry was no longer coming home to their apartment, at all, he didn’t know how to react.

Harry stayed away a lot in the past three months, he’d go to Niall’s or the love birds or somebody else. Louis would know when he’d come back because eventually, surely enough, Harry would return and his warmth would be present throughout the small space once again. But, he hadn’t returned in the past five days.

Louis tried not to panic but he had no idea what to think, what to assume.

Was Harry alive? Was he dead? Had he permanently moved out of their home and into somebody else’s because he couldn’t handle the awkward radio silence? Had he decided he had enough of Louis, he wasn’t going to even attempt to keep the awkward appearances around anymore? Did he move somewhere else?

Okay, that was ridiculous because all his belonging, mostly, were still in the house. Louis had wandered into his room, going through his wardrobe to find half of the clothes missing and his tolteries. 

Maybe he had decided to leave and only take the necessities, unable to spend another day in this wrecked home.

Did Harry return any of the feelings Louis had towards him? The feelings that twirled around in Louis’ stomach, didn’t allow him to feel much of anything else. Whenever he was with Nick, he imagined Harry. Whenever he kissed Nick, he imagined Harry’s plump pink lips and he was a horrid human being for dragging Nick through a relationship that didn’t mean half as much as it did to Louis. Did Harry feel _anything_ for Louis when Louis was sure the love would swallow him up whole and leave him for dead?

The biggest moment of realisation occurred to him when he attempted to visit Niall.

He was outside Niall’s apartment, soppy, wanting a cuddle and somebody to give him affection like Harry always had. But Niall looked stern and displeased by his appearance, crossing his arm and not letting him through.

Louis frowned, lowering the beer bottles he had brought as a gift. “What?” He asked, suddenly feeling self-conscious. Last time he had checked, him and Niall were on talking terms. Last time he had checked, it was three whole months ago.

It was natural for Harry and Niall to spend more time together than him and Louis. After all, they had become friends before Louis.

Niall shook his head. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I… um,” Louis kicked the rock on the floor by the door, feeling a wash of nerves overcoming him which was unusual. “Niall, I’m sorry I haven’t called. It’s just, I feel really shitty and I need - “

“You broke him, Louis.”

The casual statement, though the heavy words behind it, felt like a slap to Louis as his grip went slack on the beer bottles. He didn’t drop them, not wanting to make a further fool of himself as he tried to steady his breathing.

“I-”

“It’s really sad. He saw the entire world in you and you broke him. And you’re so stupid, you don’t even realise how.”

Louis’ lip trembled, feeling pathetic and small. “I -”

“So stupid you don’t even realise where he is now!” Niall continued, he had been clearly holding back his strong dislike for Louis for a while. For the right moment which was this moment.

Louis knitted his brows together. “Where is he?”

“Why should I tell you?”

“Because,” he regained some of his confidence, swallowing his damaged pride, “he’s my best fucking friend and my roommate and I haven’t seen him in six days and I’m fucking worried because that’s the longest neither of us have gone talking since the day we first met.”

Niall’s eyes softened like he hadn’t even expected Louis to care that much. That made Louis feel sick to his stomach. What did Harry think of him? Did Harry have no expectations from him, did he think that Louis didn’t care? His mind was positively spinning too fast.

“I’m not sure he’d want you to know-”

“Tell me, Horan.”

“- Robin had a stroke, though and he went back home for a while. You haven’t even cared enough to ask, to find out about Robin’s condition!”

Louis wasn’t exaggerating when he felt like his whole world had come to a pause. Robin. Stroke. Robin. Stroke. Robin. Fucking hell. Holy fuck. He felt his mind slowing down, no longer comprehending anything Niall was saying as he could see the boy’s lips moving. But, he had stopped listening. Robin had a fucking stroke and Harry had gone back home and Louis didn’t even know.

The thought made him feel sick to his stomach, his heart pulling and twisting. He had let Harry handle it all on his own, he wasn’t even aware and he had no idea if Robin was even okay. He wasn’t even sure if Robin was alive or dead, if he was coherent anymore and the thought made him want to vomit.

Robin was like a father figure to Louis. After his family had successfully cut him off, he had nobody and Robin took over the father role in his life. He was welcoming, allowing Louis to spend as long as he pleased in their house and he made sure Louis was okay at any given time. He attended Louis’ football matches, cheered from the sidelines and became a better father than Mark ever was. Louis was so fond of Robin. He loved him like a father, like an important figure in his life and he was hurt. Robin was possibly not even alive anymore and he had no idea. He was completely unaware.

He felt sorrow and grief but he also felt uncontrollable amount of anger. Harry hadn’t even thought of sending a simple text, letting him know what had happened. Louis had just as much right as anybody else knowing. He was close to Robin. Granted, him and Harry weren’t on speaking terms and they hadn’t been able to even get two words across each other - yet, Harry didn’t feel this was necessary information.

Louis shook his head. “I gotta go,” he effectively cut off Niall’s now nervous, guilty rambling as he started making his way back from where he had come from towards the tube station.

He could faintly hear Niall calling for him but he forced himself to keep moving forward.

When he reached back to his own place, he threw the duffel bag out of his wardrobe and stuffed any clothes he could find inside. He was going to go back home to Holmes Chapel, somewhere he hadn’t dared to step foot in since he left, and he was going to set things right and see if his father is okay. 

He hadn’t even thought out about what he was doing. He hadn’t informed anyone, hadn’t even asked for an absence of leave from his work place. He took the bus to Kings Cross station, purchasing tickets to Holmes Chapel central station, definitely not wincing at the expensive rush hour, peak time price.

Once Louis was seated in the train, he pondered over what he was about to do. What he was even going to do once he reached there. Louis had barely talked to Harry in three months, hadn’t even exchanged a phrase or two besides a greeting. He wasn’t aware of what was going on Harry’s life, if he was even okay or if he was even seeing anybody since.

Louis knew he couldn’t turn up without preparing some sort of explanation to justify his behaviour. He just didn’t know how to without explicitly explaining how much he was in love with Harry.

Most of all, though, Louis couldn’t stop thinking about Robin and if he was doing okay. There were a million thoughts circling and tormenting his mind, horrendous images of Robin in his head. He kept trying to reach Harry on the phone but it went to voicemail each time.

“Pick the fuck up, Harry!” Louis nearly screamed down the line before clearing his throat and composing himself. After all, he was using public transport. “I’m fucking pissed at you for not telling me but I’m more worried about Robin so please, can you call me back.”

Louis tried both Anne’s and Gemma’s numbers that also went to voicemail. Either the hospital didn’t have any service or they were purposely avoiding his calls. Maybe Harry had cried to them about his shitty behaviour, how he had pushed Harry away. Maybe the family no longer wanted anything to do with Louis.

The train journey was both long and sufferable and for the first time, Louis wished he was still in contact with his mother. Johannah was such a loving woman, she resembled everything soft in the world. She had an abundance of love to hand out, her biggest organ being her heart and she always put others before herself. She gave and gave until she was empty and had nothing left. She lost herself somewhere among the lines when Mark came into the picture. It led to the huge downfall.

Jay would’ve tended his needs at this moment in time, she would’ve reassured him that it’s all good and he was overreacting.

So Louis forced himself to relax.

When the train came to an halt at Holmes Chapel, he emerged to the platform and began to walk towards the exit barriers until he realised he had absolutely no clue where Robin was even admitted. He gritted his teeth in frustration, pulling up his phone to ring Niall.

Immediately, Niall picked up and he sounded guilty. “Hey, mate. I’m really sorry about today and how I spoke to you - look, it’s just-”

“What hospital is Robin staying at?”

Niall paused like he couldn’t quite believe what he had just been asked. “Um, Harry mentioned Leighton Hospital, why?”

“Thanks,” Louis was acting short with him, too bothered and worked up to attempt an normal question but Niall was quick.

“Wait, Louis! Why, though?”

“Because I’m back at home, what else?” Louis rolled his eyes.

He remembered this train station, he remembered the roads outside. He knew his hometown inside out, had memorised each street and each bus route. It was difficult being back but he had to suck it up.

“Oh, wow. Shit.”

“Yeah, bye.”

He hung up and pocketed his phone to hail a cab. He didn’t remember his way around anymore, unlike he used to and the bus route would’ve taken too much time to figure out effectively. He rambled an address to the driver, settling back on the seat and trying to exhale the tension he was holding in. The driver noticed his discomfort, attempting to talk to him but Louis shut down conversation easily.

Eventually, the driver pulled up at Leighton Hospital and Louis gave him a £20 note before jumping out of the cab and running into the hospital. Maybe, he was being a tad bit dramatic.

He walked up to the receptionist. “Hello, I need help to find a patient who was admitted here since he’s had a stroke.”

“Sure, are you visiting?”

“Yeah.”

“Name, please?”

“Robin Twist.”

The lady typed away at her keyboard, looking up at him. “And relationship to Mr. Twist?”

“Son.” Louis didn’t hesitate to say.

“Great. He’s located at the first floor on the Sahara ward in room 324. Just go down through the corridors, turn left and walk down till you see the lifts. Further directions will be provided from there.”

“Thanks, love.”

Louis felt his anxiety growing with each step he took towards the Sahara ward. He could hear his heart hammering against his chest, his head pounding as he thought about what he would say to the family. When the elevator pinged to indicate he had arrived on the first floor, it was a simple walk into the ward. Outside the room, he found Gemma sitting on the chairs and her head snapped up at the sound.

“Louis?”

Louis forced himself to smile though he felt nothing but terror, eyes glancing around. He finally looked inside the room where Robin was admitted. He looked.. Awful, to say the least. It was clear he had been through trauma, looking vulnerable and small with red rimmed eyes and pasty skin. He was sitting propped up on his bed in the hospital gown, Anne by his side with a glass of water. Anne, herself, looked miserable and weary.

Louis looked away, not wanting to pry into what seemed like a private moment.

He glanced back to Gemma who looked her own shade of terrible. Her hair was greasy and unmade, pulled back in a messy ponytail and she had no remains of makeup on her face. She had delicate lavender eye bags and she looked like she needed a good weeks of sleep.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Louis finally answered her. “C’mere, love.”

He opened up his arms and Gemma instantly took the offer and fell into the embrace. Louis felt one wave of relief wash over him, not entirely to tide him over, but enough to hang on as he held her tightly. She sighed into his arms.

“I’m so glad you’re here, dear lord.”

“What’s happened then, hon?”

She stiffened in his arms just slightly. “Robin had a stroke, Lou,” she sniffed. “It was severe and it affected the right side of his brain, so the movement and sensation in his left side is now limited. He’s struggling with his speech, too, like he can’t form words coherently and… I don’t know, Lou, it just happened all so quickly.”

Louis was sure she was about to cry and he secured his arms even tighter around her.

“Calm down, love. I need you to take a deep breath and explain what caused it?”

She exhaled sharply. “They’re not entirely sure yet. They’ve done multiple blood tests and CT scans to determine the cause of his stroke but they suspect it’s down to different factors such as his lifestyle choices aided with his high blood pressure.”

Louis frowned. “Lifestyles choices? What do you mean?”

“Like, his physical inactivity.”

“Oh God. But, is he okay? Like really, really okay, going to be okay?” Louis was making no sense.

Gemma hummed in his chest. “As good as someone who just had a stroke can be.”

“And how long has it been since?”

“It’s been five days. It’s just been awful, Louis.”

Louis’ skin was crawling with the need to ask about Harry, if he was holding up fine and how he took the news. He could practically imagine Harry now, receiving the phone call and breaking down into tears. The thought made him shudder as he pulled Gemma away from his chest, holding her securely by her shoulder.

“What’s next for Robin now, what’s the doctors doing now?”

“Well, he has to stay in the hospital for a while. They want to perform another procedure that’ll effectively reduce chances of having another stroke by opening up an artery that’s being narrowed by fatty deposits.”

“And then?”

“Well, it’s going to be a long road with recovery. Though he’s out of any immediate threat, he has developed speech problems and lost a lot of sensation in his body. He’ll have to go through rehabilitation including speech therapy. He’s going to be here for a while.”

Louis’ lips curled downwards. “Gems, as long as he’s alive and well, we can deal with all the rest, yeah?”

“I know, Lou. I do. I just feel so out of the loop, nothing's for certain.”

“I know but the doctors are professional, they know what they’re doing and they’ll let us know as soon as it’s deemed necessary.”

“Mmhm. The doctors and nurses have been truly wonderful.”

“I bet so. How are you holding up, and Anne?”

And Harry.

“It’s been stressful but we’re getting better. Harry’s been the most collected about the whole situation, like, he’s so calm and composed the whole time. Have you seen him yet, actually?”

Louis bit down on the bile growing in his throat. “Of course, that’s my Harry. Where is he now?”

“He went home to shower, take a nap. He’s been neglecting everything to stay here with mum and it was catching up to him.”

Louis could imagine Harry doing exactly that, not taking for himself and putting others first. Louis wanted to be there for him, wanted to guide him through this ordeal, wanted to hold him until they fell asleep and wanted to feed him so he was keeping up with his meals. He wanted to take care of Harry so bad it felt like he was burning alive.

He sucked in a breath. “I’m here now, I’ll try my best to look after him.”

“He mentioned you two weren’t on talking terms. I’m glad you both have worked through your differences.”

“Well, that’s still pending, actually.”

“Oh?” She looked surprised, pulling at her bottom lip between her teeth thoughtfully. “I thought you stopped at the house first.”

“Nope. I came right here. Can I see Robin later?”

“Of course, honey. Guests agitate him a little because he’s unable to communicate effectively but I’m sure you won’t push him and he’ll be delighted to see you.”

Louis smiled. “Of course, yeah.”

“Go home for now, talk to Harry.”

As tempting as the offer was, Louis shook his head. “I have the whole time in the world to talk to Harry. I want to be here for you, Anne. Whatever I can do to help. You’re like my family, Gemma. You _are_ my family.”

He squeezed her shoulder before removing his hand.

Right on cue, Anne realised Louis had been standing outside this whole time and wandered out. She had wrapped herself around a thick scarf, looking aged and sick with pale skin. But she still embraced Louis tightly, holding onto him as she shook in the embrace. Louis held her back securely, pulling her closer.

“Louis, I’m so happy you’re here,” she murmured. 

“I’m happy to be here.”

“Darling, you have your bag with you?”

“I’m going to stay with you guys for a while, if you’ll take me?” Louis rubbed the back of his neck as he pulled away. “I want to help, whatever I can do. Please.”

Anne’s smile was warm. “Of course, honey. However long you can stay, I’d appreciate the extra hand.”

“How are you holding up, Anne?”

“It’s difficult,” she admitted, sighing as she held her together with the scarf around her. “The worst week of my life, surely.”

“I can imagine. You should’ve called earlier, I would’ve been here in a heartbeat.”

“I know, Louis. I just… it slipped my mind and I assumed Harry would.” She looked down on him. “Gosh, sweetheart. Go home and nap, it’s late and you can come back tomorrow to meet Robin. He’ll be happy to hear from you.”

“Just, let me stay till a while?” Louis asked. “I’m going to run to the canteen and grab some food for us, yeah? Do you want anything?”

Anne looked grateful. “Coffee would be wonderful.”

“Coffee for me too, please.” Gemma requested.

Louis nodded, kissing both their foreheads before turning on his heel and walking towards the lifts back downstairs. At least a lot of his nerves had been wiped away now that he was assured that neither Anne nor Gemma hated him. It was an irrational thought to begin with but it put him completely to ease. It was nearly 9PM and the cafeteria was mostly empty as Louis pulled out a tray and made two black coffees, grabbing a muffin for himself.

When he turned around, he collided with another body, sending the freshly made coffee straight to the ground.

“Watch it!” Louis hissed out, bending down to pick up the mess himself and the stranger had created.

The stranger had bent down at the same time and when they both looked up and locked eyes, Louis was hit with the realisation it was Harry. Harry. Harry.

Harry with the electric green eyes, burning less bright today, and his frown. Harry who still looked beautiful despite looking incredibly tired, frown lines prominent on his forehead and circles under his eyes. Harry snapped back like he couldn’t believe Louis was here, straightening himself up.

Louis picked up the coffee cups, discarding them and turning back to Harry.

Out of all the things he wanted to say, he jabbed a finger straight to Harry’s chest. Hard.

“You _fucking_ dick, why didn’t you _tell_ me?!”

Louis hadn’t even realised he had started to cry, the tears spilling down his cheeks and soaking his shirt. It was probably the combination of what had happened to Robin, seeing the girls so worked up and now Harry. He continued to shove Harry, his eyes squeezed shut as he rambled.

His words were effectively cut off when he was pulled hard against Harry’s chest, his strong arms wrapping around Louis’ waist.

All his words were stuck in his throat then. Instead, he let out a broken sob as his chest heaved against Harry and he let out his tears. He wasn’t even sure what he was crying about but the warmth Harry’s arms provided him continued to spur him on.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked again, his voice barely above a whimper. He felt weak and pathetic.

Harry tightened his arm. “I’m sorry, Lou. I’m so fucking sorry. I knew I should’ve called.”

“Damn right, you should’ve! Robin is _my_ father too and I fucking love him and you kept it from me. I’m so fucking mad at you.”

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so so fucking sorry.”

They stayed embraced in the middle of the cafeteria with the coffee still split on the floor and the tray sitting on the counter behind them. Louis finally willed himself to stop crying, feeling himself calm down as Harry finally unwrapped his arms.

“Are you okay now?”

Louis shook his head. “You fool. You absolute fool, are you okay, Harry?” He asked, cupping his cheek and staring him straight in the eye so he could detect any lies the boy tried to pull to convince him otherwise.

Harry exhaled. “I’m much better now, I promise.”

“Gemma told me everything. I’m so sorry, Harry. I never imagined in a million years. God.”

“Neither did I. It took us all by surprise, to say the least.”

Louis let his fingers wander over the delicate bone under Harry’s eyes. “And how have you been holding up? Gemma told me you’ve been neglecting yourself.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “She’s just worrying for no reason.”

“You look like you need nap, or five.”

“I will take them.”

“I’m sorry, Harry,” Louis started, sighing out loud. “I’m so sorry that I pushed us so far that you felt like you couldn’t come to me about Robin.”

Harry shut his eyes, his hand coming to rest on Louis’ wrist where the fingers still grazed under his cheekbones. “Can we talk about that later? Please.”

“Whatever you want. I’m here now, I’m not going to go away now.”

“Please, never ever again.”

“Never.”

They hugged again, just because they could, before Louis pulled away to make the two coffee for Gemma and Anne again. Harry grabbed two muffins, one for each of them as they carried the food back upstairs to the ward.

Gemma and Anne were sitting outside, waiting for Louis’ arrival but he noticed how their faces instantly brightened by the sight of Harry too. Anne jumped up from where he sat, hugging Harry tightly and rubbing his back as Gemma grabbed the hot drinks off Louis and shot him a quick thank you. 

“You made it back, when did you come?” She asked Harry, steering him back to the seats outside the room.

Harry shrugged, sitting down besides Anne but keeping his eyes filtering to Louis every few seconds. “I couldn’t sleep, ma. I thought I’d come back and ran into Louis.”

“Is everything okay now?” Gemma piped in.

Harry mustered a smile. “I think so, yeah. Me and Louis still need to talk, if that’s okay.”

“Don’t be silly, of course it’s fine.” Anne said, taking a sip of her coffee as she winced and grabbed the milk packet. “Hospital coffee is so horrid. God.”

Louis smiled. “Anne, why don’t you go home and rest, yeah? Me and Harry have it handled here for a while. You too, Gems. Go and have the good coffee at home.”

Gemma smiled wearily. “You sure, bro?”

“More than sure.”

Anne sighed. “I think I need a shower, or two. You sure you got it handled here?”

“I’m sure.”

“And you,” she pointed to Harry, “call me as soon as there’s any improvement, any word.”

They all knew the chances of improvements in a matter of hours was slim to none. But Anne was holding onto any shred of hope she had left, she was strong and she was holding herself together miraculously well. Harry nodded, hugging her and Gemma once before reassuring he’d call.

Gemma and Anne walked off with their hospital coffee, putting it into the bin before taking the elevator down. Then, it was just Louis and Harry.

“What were you doing when you found out?” Louis initiated the conversation first, eager to talk to Harry. He felt like he had been missing out on so much detail, needed to ensure Harry was okay too. He hated himself for not being there for him.

Harry frowned, playing with the hem of his shirt. “I was on a picnic with Niall and Barb. Anne called me, broke down crying and yeah. I just took the first train out there… how did you find out?”

“I had to find out myself,” Louis rolled his eyes, still anger in his chest from the fact that no one had informed him about Robin. “I went to Niall’s to, um, apologise, really? We hadn’t talked for three whole months… I went with the intention to hang out but he just lost his shit at me.”

“Oh.”

“He said I broke you, made you upset, that it was my fault. Which, can I blame him, really for saying any of that?”

“Lou..”

“No, I deserved it, Harry,” Louis huffed. He wasn’t going to allow anyone to make excuses for his behaviour when he was well aware of how and where he went wrong. He certainly wasn’t going to allow Harry to brush off his actions. “I did and he sorta let out about Robin, how I hadn’t even bothered to find out which was _unfair_ because if I knew, I wouldn’t of wasted a fucking second coming down here. That was _not_ fair.”

__Louis was rambling and working himself up, nearly close to tears as he pulled his hair out of frustration._ _

__Harry jumped up from where he sat, instantly pulling Louis into a side hug and Louis relaxed into the hold. He appreciated the warmth and he needed to calm down before he managed to lose himself. Not now, not when he had promised to be strong for the family._ _

__“No, I _know_ it’s unfair and I know you would be here without a doubt, without fail. I’m so fucking sorry, Louis. I know you consider Robin your own father and you two are, possibly, even closer than I am with him. I should’ve told you, I was so up my own ass about the grudge I was holding and. I regret it so much, sweetheart, okay?”_ _

__Louis let a tear slip out in the embrace, wiping it away furiously. “Stop being so fucking nice to me.”_ _

__“Why not?”_ _

__“I don’t deserve it.” He spat, trying to wrestle his way out of the hug but Harry didn’t let him. Louis wasn’t the type to self loathe, kept most of his hateful feelings buried so he didn’t come off as overbearing. “I pushed you away, pushed you so far that you couldn’t come to me any longer.”_ _

__“It’s okay, babe. You still had people to talk to, as did I.”_ _

__“No, I didn’t.” Louis mumbled, shrinking in on himself. “All our friends took your side, I mean, why the hell wouldn’t they? I was fucking alone, pathetic.”_ _

__“You have Nick, babe. You’re hardly alone. Please, stop, please baby.”_ _

__Louis froze in the embrace, biting his lip and refusing to answer. Harry just tightened his hold._ _

__“Louis?”_ _

__“Yeah?”_ _

__“Nick?”_ _

__“What about him?”_ _

__He stopped, sighing. “You had Nick, right?”_ _

__There’s another beat of silence that passed through them before Louis let out a cry, shaking his head. “No. No. We broke up.”_ _

__“What?” Harry gasped._ _

__“We broke up.”_ _

__“Since when?”_ _

__“Well… since,” he paused. “That night when you walked on me all upset, then.”_ _

__“Oh my, God. Why didn’t you tell me?”_ _

__Louis shrugged, wiping his eyes at the consistent moisture falling. “Why are we even talking about this? It doesn’t matter. Robin is what matters right now, we need to be there for him.”_ _

__“He’s taking a nap right now. We can talk.”_ _

__“I don’t want to.”_ _

__“Why not, baby? Why didn’t you tell me?”_ _

__Louis snapped, all the pent up frustration pouring out of him though he knew better. He knew Harry was going through a hard time but he couldn’t help, constantly being pushed and pushed._ _

__“Why would I?! We weren’t talking! You expect me to just approach you, tell you about my sad love life?”_ _

__“And why the hell not?”_ _

__Louis finally pushed Harry off him, the comfort leaving his body as he instantly felt cold once again. He looked away, focusing on the poster on the walls of the hospital. He scanned the words, biting his lips, to avoid the question as much as possible._ _

__“Because you hated Nick.”_ _

__“Yeah, I did. Does that mean I don’t want to comfort you?”_ _

__“Why did you hate him?”_ _

__Harry shrugged this time, looking away. “I don’t want to talk about that, not now.”_ _

__“Tell me. I need to hear you say that.”_ _

__He chuckled humorlessly. “So, why? You can laugh at me and my pathetic feelings, always fucking laughing behind my back, aren’t you? I may love you Louis but I’m not going to make myself look like a fool.”_ _

__Louis continued to make himself appear smaller. His voice dropped to a whisper, broken and weak. “I _need_ to hear you say it.”_ _

__Just before anybody could respond, Robin called for Harry weakly from his room and they both jumped up at the sound._ _

__“He remembers everyone?” Louis asked, sitting up from his seat._ _

__“Yep. He does.” Harry fixed his shirt, preparing to go in and face Robin before he looked around to Louis. “Want to come with me?”_ _

__“I… I don’t want to crowd him.”_ _

__“Don’t be stupid,” he simply dismissed the thought, reaching over to grab Louis’ hand and give it a squeeze. “C’mon. Come with me.”_ _

__They were both still reeling from their small outburst, so many words left unsaid as they walked into the room where Robin was. He looked weak, tired and he looked more sick than Louis had ever seen him. He was in his hospital bed, wrapped up in two blankets and his tray in front of him with his water and drink. His eyes were still fluttering, trying to awake himself from his slumber before his eyes focused on the two bodies standing in his room._ _

__“Oh,” he murmured, pausing and licking his lips as he if he was concentrating hard on how to approach the situation. “L-Louis?”_ _

__Louis nodded, not realising his eyes had been filling with more tears as he cut the distance between them in the Robin and sitting by his bedside. He grabbed Robin’s hand, squeezing._ _

__“It’s me.”_ _

__Robin attempted to smile, it turned out to be more of a grimace as he opened his mouth and struggling to form his words. “O-oh. You’re....?”_ _

__“I’m here, yes.” When Louis noticed Robin’s discomfort in forming words, he took over to prevent Robin having to try too hard. “I’m here, I found out and came as soon as I could. I am so very sorry for everything that has happened, but I’m here and I won’t be leaving until you’re okay again.” He repeated himself one more time when he noticed Robin’s brows furrowed, finding it difficult to understand and focusing on Louis’ lips as he talked._ _

__Harry stepped in, squeezing Louis’ shoulders. “Sorry, he has.. Some speech problems at the moment, he’s finding it difficult to speak or understand. He’s just finding it really tough right now.”_ _

__Louis nodded. “Yeah, no doubt. ‘Course.”_ _

__Robin pointed towards his plastic cup of water and Louis responded immediately. He brought the straw to Robin’s lip as he sucked, closing his eyes and letting a tear slip out. Louis watched in shock._ _

__“He gets some emotional outbursts, he’s just adjusting to the after effects. Let him cry.”_ _

__“It’s okay, Robin…” Louis tried to comfort him, noticing his chin wobbling as he sighed and lowered the cup. “Let it out, yeah? I know this is hard, nobody doubts that. Just, let it go.”_ _

__It was devastating watching Robin cry. Louis had always seen the older man composed, collected but now, he looked like a reflection that Louis didn’t recognise. The man clutched his hospital bed, letting out broken sobs as Harry rubbed Robin’s arm to bring him down from his outburst. Louis watched with a heavy heart, his mouth dry as he struggled to form any words to comfort him with._ _

__Eventually, Robin fell back to sleep and Harry adjusted his bed so he was straight and lying down instead of propped up. He replaced the water, accepting the warm meal off the nurse and left it covered for Robin when he woke up. Louis watched Harry walk around the room, adjusting, helping and he felt helpless._ _

__Eventually, Anne came back. She looked much more well rested, changed and her hair washed as she kissed both the boys cheeks._ _

__“Visiting time must be well over by now,” Anne sighed, glancing to the clock. “I’m going to stay in the room down the hall. You two go home, the nurses were too kind to ask you to leave.”_ _

__Louis said his farewells, kissing Robin’s forehead and Anne’s before walking out with Harry. He felt out of place with the boy, the remains of the argument still lingering in the air between them as they took the bus back. Harry paid for Louis’ ticket, dragging him to the back seats as they relaxed. Louis was close to sleeping, his eyes shutting. Harry pulled his head down to rest on his shoulder, stroking Louis’ hair._ _

__When they made it back to Harry’s house, Louis felt slightly more awake. He hadn’t stepped foot in this house for years and all the memories came flooding back to him. The times he spent here, baking with Anne, playing football with Robin, chasing Harry up and down the stairs. Also, the times he spent here crying, begging for his mother back, facing Jay for the last time when she apologised but walked away._ _

__Harry didn’t let him think any longer, took him to his room and they both stripped their clothes._ _

__It felt like coming home when Louis snuggled into the bed, pulled against Harry’s chest and Harry’s arms wrapped around his waist. They were cuddling. Louis fell into a steadier sleep he has had since the last three months._ _

____

**

When Louis woke up the next morning, the warmth next to him was gone.

He frowned, yawning as he stretched his limbs and pulled the duvet off him. He glanced over to Harry’s side, the pillow dipped and he smiled. He had slept with Harry after three whole months, finally had him in his space again and he regretted ever letting that go from him in the first place. He got up, taking a quick shower and selecting a change of clothes directly from Harry’s wardrobe. He didn’t care if he had his own duffel bag of clothes already.

When he walked down the stairs, Harry was preparing breakfast behind the stove.

“Mmm, good morning,” Louis mumbled, rubbing his eyes as he came around to squeeze Harry’s shoulders and then lean against the counter. “What’re you making?”

Harry looked up, a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes plastered over his face. “French toast and some croissants from yesterday for breakfast.”

Louis hummed. “Let me help you out.” He took two plates, putting them down on the table and pouring them each a glass of orange juice as Harry returned to the dining table and put the plate of french toast down for them.

They sat opposite each other and started eating. Louis ached with the questions he wanted to ask, wanting to ask why Harry seemed so sad today. He reminded himself that his step-father did just have a stroke only six days and he could hardly ask what’s wrong when it was blatantly obvious.

“Why did you and Nick break up, then?”

Louis snapped up, lowering his bite of french toast. “Straight into the serious questions today morning, aren’t you?” He joked.

“I’m not in the mood for funny, clearly.”

Harry really didn’t look like he was feeling good today, he sounded annoyed and he pushed the plate of breakfast away from him entirely. The morning was taking a sharp turn for the worst. Louis swallowed, putting his fork down.

“We didn’t work out. Not compatible.”

“After all those months of dating, you just realised?”

“It’s not that easy and it can be hard to accept, too.” Louis shrugged.

“Did you love him?”

Louis felt unease drowning over him. They, quite obviously, didn’t break up because they didn’t work out. Nick may had been an idiot but he wasn’t naive, he was well aware of Louis’ feelings for Harry and he was tired of being second best, of being less than and feeling his most wasn’t enough. Louis had hurt Nick when it had been his last intention in the entire world.

“Does it matter?” His voice came out harsher than intended. “It’s over and done with, I’d prefer to not talk about it anymore.”

“You did, didn’t you? You were in love with him.”

Fuck Harry and his assumptious ass. He didn’t know anything.

“Stop.”

“Tell me.”

“Why are you so fucking concerned?” Louis snapped.

“Because I need to know!”

“No, I was not in love with him!” He finally let out, huffing.

Harry looked surprised, his eyes narrowing. “I don’t believe you.”

“I don’t care if you do or don’t,” Louis lied. He did care. “I know what I felt, or didn’t feel, and I certainly don’t need to justify my own relationship and my feelings to somebody else.”

“So, that was it? It just ended because you decided you and him wouldn’t work out? It was just that easy?”

Louis sighed. “I don’t know what you want me to say here, Harry.”

“I want to know why you pushed me out, why you shut me out.”

“I don’t know.”

“You do because you did it and I never understood why,” Harry sounded frustrated, more upset with himself with the way his voice subdued and he was speaking lightly to himself. “I thought it was because I was messing up with you and Nick and.. I understand that. Who would want to keep me around when they have somebody else? And-”

“Stop,” Louis cut him off. “Stop putting yourself down like _that_ when you know you’re not just nobody to me.”

“I kissed you and you went a mile.”

Louis squirmed in discomfort. “Ugh, look-”

“You didn’t want me around because you didn’t love me, not as much as Nick and you needed that to work more. I should’ve understood, really. I mean, I was fucking up with your happiness and-”

“Shut up, Harry.”

“- I know you wanted Nick, I know you wanted it too work. But, I was selfish and I couldn’t keep my feelings to bay-”

“ _I’m in love with you_! I am in love with you, Harry so shut the _fuck_ up about Nick!” Louis exploded, slamming his fist down on the table to demand the silence he needed from Harry right now.

His wish was granted.

The kitchen fell to absolute pin-drop silence. 

Harry was gaping, his mouth wide open as all the words he wanted to say stopped. He stared in disbelief, his expression contorted to something pained. 

Louis knew he had to say something. “It’s nothing, though,” he quickly covered up, shaking his head and trying to deflect the situation that was quickly turning ugly and awkward. “I mean, we’re best friends and it just sorta happened and I know it’ll go away if I try hard enough because God, I wouldn’t want to ruin us and what we have.”

“You.. y-you love me?” Harry asked, looking vulnerable and small.

Louis paused before nodding slowly. “I… yeah, I do.”

“You’re in love with me?”

“I am.”

Harry stared for a few moments longer, his expression not changing until his chin wobbled and he let out a horrid sound of a broken sob. He covered his face with his two hands to conceal from Louis, letting out dry heaving sobs into his hands as his body shook with the effort to stay quiet. He didn’t succeed.

Louis watched the whole event play out in front of him, watching the love of his life crying in front of him.

He had _finally_ admitted his feelings about Harry. The feelings he had been trying so hard to bury deep within himself, to never show anybody. He had opened up his heart, proved himself vulnerable, and handed it over to Harry. _Harry, the boy he loved_. The boy he loved who was crying in front of him now, unable to control the broken sounds that kept escaping his lips.

It took Louis a minute to respond, getting up from his chair and crouching besides Harry. He tried to pry Harry’s hands away from his face and was disappointed when Harry refused to let up, covering himself up.

“Darling… I’m sorry, I know you don’t feel the same and I’m sorry for.. Just let me comfort you, I’d never drop a bombshell like that on you,” Louis pleaded, his own voice too thick to recognise as he attempted again. “Please, I’m so sorry.”

Harry shook his head. “Please, don’t apologise,” though he barely sounded coherent.

“I can’t help it. I think I made the wrong mistake by saying so. Just, please stop crying.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is! I made you cry!” Louis let out, frustrated. “Please, let me see your face.”

It took Harry a few moments to compose himself, longer to finally remove his hands though he was still crying. His eyes had immediately gone bloodshot, his lip wobbling.

“You mean it?” He whispered, his hands cupping Louis’ cheek who was kneeling before him on the kitchen floor. “You really, really mean it?”

Louis closed his eyes, leaning into the touch. “I’m sorry, Harry. I tried so hard _not_ to feel it. You’re my best friend and I never wanted to jeopardise that, I never wanted to be ungrateful and ask more than I deserve. I’m not… I’m not a good person, yeah? Good things don’t come to me and I was so… so goddamn scared.” He stopped, his own tear slipping. Harry watched him intently, eyes trained on his eyes, flickering to his lip. “I was so scared I was going to lose the only good thing that has ever happened to me. I distanced, I dated - anything to never lose that. I was a bloody coward and I’m not ashamed that I’m in love with you anymore. I am. Wholeheartedly, I can’t hide it anymore. But, I’m ashamed for asking for more than I deserve and hurting you.”

He was rambling and Harry only looked awed. His eyes were glistening, still wet as he stroke Louis’ cheeks.

“I’m in love with you, Louis Tomlinson so it’s very unfortunate that you feel ashamed for asking for more. For being scared. For thinking I’d let you go, I’d push you away when I feel the exact way. I have had for a long time now.”

Louis’ sure his heart had stopped beating, that he was no longer in his own body anymore as he looked up to him with hopeful eyes. “You do?”

Harry nodded. “You _fool_ , how have you not figured that out by now?”

“I just… why? Why me, why would you ever love somebody like me?” He asked, desperate.

“Because… you’re a wonderful, compassionate, charitable man and you’ve dedicated your entire life to help others. You’re an inspiration, my aspiration - how could I ever not love somebody like you? I’m so fortunate you’re my best friend, let alone the man I pine for.”

Louis chuckled, shaking his head. “You do? You love me?”

“I do, so much Louis. Why else have I hated Nick the minute I laid my eyes on him?”

Louis couldn’t quite believe it. It felt too good to be true. Good things didn’t come to Louis, he was not destined to have anything in his life. He was shaking under Harry’s touch, afraid.

“C’mon, come here, mon chéri.”

Louis stood up, sitting in Harry’s lap on the chair as they hugged tightly. Harry held him close to his chest, using his fingers to trace patterns in his back as they cried a little together. It had been an unexpected morning that taking up more of their energy than they had expected.

When Harry pulled him away, he looked him in the eye. “Can I kiss you, now? None of that rough, angry shit.”

Louis whimpered. “Please.”

Harry didn’t waste anytime to connect their lips together. It was a tender kiss, gentle as they explored each other’s lips. This time, with hope. With love. Harry held Louis’ cheek as he pushed his tongue into Louis’ mouth and tenderly took control over the kiss. They kissed for what felt like ages, gentle and soft as Louis keened into the touch and moaning delicately against Harry’s lips.

“I love you, Louis. So much.” Harry pulled back to say, his eyes meaningful and sincere.

“And I love you too.”

They connected their lips before Harry hugged him, holding onto him as he took him back upstairs to his room.

**

The next week passed in a haze.

Harry was so happy, so in love with Louis that he had forgotten momentarily that his family life was in ruins. They spent most of their days at the hospital, supporting Robin as he prepared for the next procedure that would help to prevent future strokes. Robin had become weaker, before he could get stronger again, and the operation would push him further down the weak side. But, he was surviving and Anne was by his side every single day.

Him, Louis and Gemma were sitting in the cafeteria for lunch when her eyes fell on the two of them holding hands. She gasped out loud, dropping her toast and pointing it out.

“What the hell?!”

Harry smirked. “Took you long enough.”

He pulled out their twined hands under the table, like teenagers coming out of hiding, and placed them on the table. He noticed Louis growing flushed, a little embarrassed as he stuffed his face with his food.

In the week, Louis had been taking the whole confession of their love a little hard upon himself. He was not used to liking other people, let alone it being with his best friend. He was adjusting to the change and flushed easily, always hiding. Now, he didn’t seem to mind despite the red blush evident on his cheeks. 

Harry was taking at his pace, not wanting to push or confuse him.

“Are you two…” She squinted her eyes. “Dating?”

“To some extent, yes.”

“We are?” Louis tilted his head.

“Well, dear sister, we have yet to discuss that part. But we are very much in love and we very much love each other. So, do you approve of this upcoming relationship?” 

Gemma continued to stare openly at the hands, shaking her head. “I just, I can’t believe I didn’t notice.”

“We haven’t been very vocal about it.”

“Yes, you have!” Gemma gasped. “I swear, I heard noises from your bedroom two nights ago but I simply brushed it off as nothing. Oh my god.” 

Harry laughed out loud, using his spare hand to muffle the loud sounds. “We haven’t had sex yet so. I don’t know what you’ve been hearing.”

Louis swatted his shoulders. “Stop disclosing our sex life to your sister!”

“Or lack of.”

“Jheeze,” Gemma shook her head, a bright smile playing at her lips. “So how did it _finally_ happen? I want all the details.”

“What do you mean finally?” Harry asked.

“Anyone with a brain around you two for the last two years has realised you two, clearly, have feelings for each other.”

“We didn’t even know ourselves then, how the hell do you know?”

“Sometimes others figure it out before the actual two people.”

Louis bit the insides of his cheeks to refrain from grinning too big. “You’re crazy,” he said to Gemma, squeezing Harry’s hand. 

He liked doing soft things with Harry. He liked it a lot. Sure, he hadn’t had sex with him yet but they had agreed to take it slow and let it come to them naturally. They had been best friends ever since they could remember, together since secondary school. They didn’t want to push too far, take too much, ask for too much. They wanted to be comfortable, adjust to the big change. But that didn’t stop Louis from doing soft things.

Soft things classified as cuddling, kissing a lot, showering together, eskimo kisses and holding hands.

It made Louis feel warm and fuzzy inside, an unexplainable flutter in his stomach whenever he got to touch Harry and realise. He was Louis’. They were together.

“Who said it first?”

Harry smiled. “Does it matter? The point is, we did talk and now, we like each other. A lot. We’re a thing.”

“A thing.” Louis repeated, shaking his head with a laugh.

“Yes, a thing.”

“We are in love, silly.”

Gemma watched with a fond expression before replacing it with something disgusted, picking up her coffee. “Ugh. I hate couples. Disgusting, absolutely repulsive. I was not planning on, ever, watching my two boys be together. Ugh.”

Louis couldn’t stop the laughter that fell from his mouth, bringing Harry’s hand up to his mouth and kissing his knuckles.

**

“Boys, please come back and visit often.” Anne requested, her smile soft as she parked up the car outside the train station.

Louis and Harry were sitting in the back seat, hands twined and their bags sitting by their feet on the floor. They were both giddy, excited to get back to London and back to their own apartment. After all, they had spent nearly three weeks in Holmes Chapel and Robin was finally to be discharged soon.

“Of course, mum,” Harry reached over, placing a wet kiss on her cheeks. “We’ll come soon as we can.”

Louis nodded, repeating Harry’s actions. “Whenever we get time. Now that Harry’s not working anymore, and I’m probably fired, we have time.”

Anne nodded in approval. “And you two, stay together, please. You’re good together, happier than I’ve seen you two in a while. So, don’t mess this up.”

Harry groaned. “We won’t, ma.”

“Good! I will be very mad if you do.”

Louis grinned. “Don’t worry, Anne. I assure you, I never plan on letting your son go too far out of my sights ever again.”

They said another round of goodbye before finally getting on the train, swiping their prepaid tickets and taking a seat right next to each other. Harry started rambling immediately. He always had something to talk about, whether it’s cheesy compliments directed towards Louis, or if it was plans for the future. Louis didn’t mind though, he always stroked Harry’s knuckles with his thumb and encouraged him to talk as much as he wanted to.

The three and half hour journey back to London was pleasant and when they arrived back to London, Harry crowded Louis up against their door.

Without a word, he surged forward and started kissing Louis passionately. Louis responded easily, and quickly, he could never resist kisses from Harry. They were tender, always delicate but now, it was purposeful and rough. Harry was biting his bottom lip, tugging at his shirt, bringing him closer and licking into his mouth. Louis moaned prettily into his mouth, letting himself be manhandled against the door. Harry pried Louis’ legs apart, his thigh in between as he started rutting down.

“Babe,” Louis whimpered, his eyes fluttering shut. “Are we finally doing this?”

“Damn right we are.” Harry muttered, dropping kisses down Louis’ jaw, sucking bruises into his neck. He took his time, sucking and licking over the bright red mark before pulling away with victory. “Been waiting far too long, fuck.”

Louis nodded eagerly. He had fantasised about this day for far too long and he needed Harry right this instant.

“No foreplay. I can’t wait any longer, please.”

Harry looked up to his, eyes dark as he nodded and tugged Louis into Louis’ bedroom. He threw Louis onto the bed, taking his shirt off and crowding him on the bed again.

“Wanna undress you,” Harry whispered, his fingers ghosting under Louis’ shirt, feeling the abs. “Wanna feel you everywhere. Every part. Every curve, every bump.”

Louis hummed, feeling his arousal growing and his cock getting harder as each word made him twitch. “Do it then. What you waiting for?”

Harry slowly took Louis’ top off, instantly moving down to kiss over Louis’ nipples. It caused him to hiss out loud, arching his back to the touch. He bit down, pulling the nipple with his teeth before licking over. He seemed pleased with the reaction, giving the same treatment to his other nipple. He planted kisses all over Louis’ stomach, moving down to his jeans and undoing the zipper with his teeth.

Louis felt his head go dizzy. “You’re obscene.”

“And you’re fucking beautiful and you’re my boyfriend.”

“I am, yours.”

Harry felt Louis’ thighs all over, dragging the tight jeans down and off, as well as the boxers, before spreading his legs out. He sat between them, ghosting his lips around his inner thighs and sucking bruises as he went down. Louis keened, moaning a little at each bruise.

“Want to mark you all over so you know you’re mine, and only mine.”

Louis helped Harry out of his own jeans and boxers too and then they were naked, facing each other with arousal in the air. Harry was half hard and Louis reached down, grabbing and instantly began to jerk him off. Harry let out a loud moan, fucking up on Louis’ grip as Louis thumbed at his slit and used the precome for an easier slide up and down. 

“I want to fuck you so hard,” Harry said, his voice rough and husky. “So you feel it, you feel the love I feel for you.”

Louis swallowed. “Please. Fuck me, please. I’ve wanted this for so long.”

He nodded, removing Louis’ hand and kissing him on the lips firmly again. “I want you facing me, too.”

“Do you have lube and condoms?”

Harry hummed and shook his head. “Do you?”

“Um, yeah. With Nick, I-”

Harry growled before he could even finish the sentence, his lips attacking Louis’ bare neck again to plant even more bruises. “Fuck him.”

“Been there, done that,” Louis said smugly.

“Fuck you. Now, I’m going to fuck you and _only_ me.”

“Only you, babe.”

“Where’s the supposedly lube and condoms?”

Louis swallowed, pointing to the bedside table drawer. Harry withdrew himself to retrieve the lube and condoms, spreading Louis’ legs out again. He looked down at Louis’ cock, hard and laying against his stomach before sneakily running his lips down the cock. Louis’ eyes flew wide open.

“No touching,” he warned Louis, removing his lips. “I’m going to open you up, okay? Using one finger, then two. Is that okay?”

“Yes, please.”

Harry nodded, getting to work then. He slicked up one of his finger with lube, covering it up so he was sure the glide would be easy. He spread Louis’ legs apart, keeping one hand on his inner thigh and the other circling and teasing Louis’ rim. Louis didn’t seem too say anything, his head resting on the pillow as he bit his lip and clutched onto Harry’s forearm.

“Going in now.” He informed before pushing his finger in.

Louis felt amazing. Quite literally amazing. He was tight and Harry couldn’t quite believe it as he pushed his finger in slowly. He observed Louis’ expression to ensure he wasn’t hurting him and felt his stomach flutter when he noticed how Louis’ eyes were squeezed shut but a small smile across his lips.

When he received the nod from Louis, he started fucking his finger in and out for Louis. He started slowly, letting him adjust to the slight burn, before going quickly and adding another finger. Louis was responsive underneath him, letting out soft ‘oh’s’ and moving down against the finger to fuck himself back on it.

When Harry had successfully worked in three fingers and Louis was ready, open and pliant, Harry grabbed the condom and rolled it on his cock. He gave himself a few tugs, ensuring he was fully hard.

Louis was watching with lustful eyes. “C’mon, fuck me good.”

Harry nodded, leaning down to kiss Louis on the lips once, twice, thrice before guiding his cock to his rim. He took a few seconds to tease Louis, to beg for it, tracing around Louis’ fluttering rim but not giving in.

Louis groaned. “Fuck you, put it in me!”

“Ask me nicely.”

Louis rolled his eyes, squeezing Harry’s bicep. “Please, please, baby. Can you fuck me already, please?”

Harry finally pushed in, inching in slowly and gasping out loud from how Louis’ tight hole felt around his cock. It was the best feeling in the world, feeling his walls around him and he felt like he was floating. It was like ecstasy and Harry just knew he was going to grow to become addicted to this very feeling. He bottomed out, his mouth gaping from pleasure as he noticed Louis twitching and fidgeting underneath him.

“You okay, darling?” He asked, touching Louis’ hips and stroking his thumb across the skin.

Louis bit his lips, his mouth letting out an involuntary moan. “You’re so big. I’ve never - not in a long time. So big.”

Harry smirked. “Why, thank you.”

“Gimme a second.”

“Take all the time in the world, baby.”

After a few minutes, Louis nodded and Harry took that as the go ahead sign. He held onto Louis’ hips firmly, but not too hard, ensuring to leave fingerprint marks but not to hurt him as he started to thrust. He started off slow, fucking him deep and kissing Louis square on the lips to swallow all the moans. Then, he built up the speed so it was fast and hard and Louis couldn’t keep kissing any longer from how his mouth remained open and moaning.

Harry loved the effect he was having on Louis, barely able to comprehend that this was him that was able to make Louis feel like this. He pulled out almost completely until only his tip was in Louis before slamming in, making Louis move up the bed and groan.

When Louis reached down to touch himself, Harry tutted. “No touching. Only I’ll bring you over the edge, only I’ll give you pleasure.”

Louis groaned. “I need - need. I need you.”

“You have me.”

“Touch. Touch, please.”

Harry rolled his eyes, reaching down to start jerking off Louis in between his thrusts. He was close, had been dreaming of this day for ages and now, here he was. He felt his orgasm building up and as he moved his hand up and down Louis’ shaft, it was clear Louis was close too.

Louis shut his eyes. “I’m...I’m gonna come,” he garbled out a panicked warning as Harry increased his speed and Louis let out a loud cry before releasing white splatter all over his stomach.

It spurred Harry on, groaning out loud as he fucked in one more time before pulling out completely. He ripped the condom off, straddling Louis’ lip as he started jerking himself off. Louis opened his mouth, ready to accept his come and he looked at Harry through his lashes, his baby blue eyes bright.

That was it. Harry was a gone.

He let out a groan as he released come all over Louis’ face. His lips, his nose and a bit even reached his eyes as Louis tried to accept all the white liquid. Whatever had landed in his mouth, he licked around his lips, and swallowed it all.

Harry watched in awe, reaching down to thumb away the come on his eyes and his nose before feeding it to him. Louis sucked his thumb, his tongue swirling around his digit.

“Shameless.” Harry muttered, his voice awed.

“For you.” Louis confirmed.

“God, I fucking love you.”

“I love you too.”

**

“You ready for this?”

Louis tilted his head to smile at Harry, their hands twined as they stood outside the pub where they were supposed to meet their friends. For the first time since Louis had ran off to Holmes Chapel, for the first time since they shifted their relationship dynamics to dating. To confirm to their friends that they were finally together.

“Why not, love? Of course I am. You?”

“A little nervous,” Harry admitted. “It just happened all so quickly.”

“Well, let me catch you up. We’ve been dating for a month now and you’re _incredible_ in bed and I love you very much. Now, we just go in and repeat that to our expecting friends.”

Harry smiled wide, squeezing their hands. “God, I love you. Did you know?”

“I mean, I kind of figured by now.” Louis scrunched up his nose, both of them laughing before shaking his head and his expression shifted to serious. “I love you, too. To the moon and stars and back, and all the cheesy stuff. Okay?”

“Okay.”

They walked into the pub, then. Harry seemed to grow even more nervous and Louis didn’t mind, just squeezed their hands in reassurance as they glanced around the pub and spotted their group of friends seated in the back with drinks already ordered. They walked over and announced their arrival.

“Welcome, peasants!” Louis said, smiling.

Niall was the first to notice, gasping. “Hands? Hands?!”

Barb looked up from her phone, eyes widening. “Hands?”

Zayn put the two puzzles together and pointed out their twined hands. “What? What is this? Catch me up?”

Liam smiled, knowingly as if he had known this was bound to happen all along.

Louis and Harry got into the booth together, not letting go of their hands. Harry didn’t speak first so Louis took the initiative.

“Relax, guys,” he said easily, laughing.

“Tell me what’s going on.” Zayn demanded.

“So, me and Harry… we’re like, we’re dating now.” He nodded. “Right, baby?”

Harry piped in, smiling. “Yes, affirmative. We’re dating, we’re a thing, a relationship and we’re very much in love. Also, I’m incredible in bed.”

Louis gasped, swatting his shoulders. “I didn’t mean you say that quite literally!”

“How incredible?” Barb asked whilst Niall shot her a look.

Zayn and Liam let out a glorious laugh, clapping their hands. “How did this happen?” Liam asked, resting his head atop of Zayn’s shoulder.

“I went back to Holmes Chapel to see Robin, which, thank you for the concern. He’s recovering, it’ll be a long and tiring road but very rewarding. It was a difficult three weeks to spend around him but Harry was very strong. Anne and Gemma send their warm wishes.” He paused, releasing a breath. “And we. We just kinda happened.” Harry lifted their hands, kissing each of their knuckles.

“Gross.” Niall exclaimed at the public display of affection.

Louis, however, was blushing. “Don’t be too jealous now, Niall.”

“I’m definitely not.”

“So,” Zayn rolled his eyes, diverting the attention back to them. “Who asked who out, then? How did you finally come to the quite obvious realisation that you were both into each other?”

“Louis confessed his feelings, I cried, I said I felt the same. We took it slow, figured it out together, Louis asked to be my boyfriend, I said yes. We’ve been together for a whole month now.” Harry filled them in, skipping past all the sappy, romantic parts. “I love him, he loves me.”

Liam raised his glass. “Cheers to the happy couple, fucking _finally_.”

Everyone let out a laugh, raising their glasses and clinking together as they yelled. “To the happy couple!”

Louis blushed and hid his face in Harry’s chest.

He’d be happy if he could have this for the rest of his life.


End file.
